Coyote the Trickster is such a talented joke writer, that he even
publishes big books of his silly meanderings. A few years ago, he
presented me his then-latest collection:


         1,001 Skull-F*cking Jokes

                    by
            Coyote T. Trickster


Each was a gut-busting hee-haw, from the very first morsel to the very
last. And...if you read them in order, the next joke is always a teensy
bit funnier than the previous. Read them out of order, and it doesn't
work that way: some are funnier, some NOT as funny...while the largest
portion are EQUALLY funny. Why? I really don't know; that's Coyote's
special magic to which even I, his very best friend, am not privy.

But I digress. Several new moons after showing me that book, Coyote
returned with a NEW collection, this one titled:


         1,001 Skull-F*cking Jokes
                Volume II

                    by
            Coyote T. Trickster


And I exclaimed: "Coy, you need to get off this skull-f*cking shtick.
C'mon, you're a very smart coyote...surely you can come up with an
entirely NEW theme."

Coyote stared at me blankly, indicating I would need to cease this
soft-heartedness with my friend, and display some good old-fashioned
shit-kicking sarcasm. So I added (after a little deliberation):

"May these Happy Hunting Grounds wither and turn to squirrel dung and
get blown away into the four corners of the world, before I ever lay
eyes on a book entitled:


         1,001 Skull-F*cking Jokes
               Volume III

                    by
            Coyote T. Trickster


Do you get my drift, dear brother?"

"I certainly DO, Little Pony" (that's my Lakota name) said Coyote,
raising a paw in thought, to his forehead, "Why, I'll come up with a
whole NEW theme, and show you the first joke I write. Let me go now and
compose the very first part of my next opus. I'll be seeing  you again
real soon, little bro'."

"Lookin' forward to your next joke, 'Yote!" I waved au revoir as he
scampered down our village path to his own little teepee seven stations
down the A-line, and four down the D (or take the C-2 if you're not in a
hurry and would enjoy a rustic view out your window).

Well, the new moon came and went without Coyote showing up. Indeed, it
wasn't before FIVE new moons had come and gone, that he finally
returned, so excited he could barely speak.

"When you finally catch your breath, silly brother," I commented, trying
to hide my curiosity as best as possible, "tell me why it took you so
long to compose one lousy joke."

"Little Pony, Little Pony! Here it is: the first joke and so much more!"
Coyote hopped about my kitchen, knocking over teapot, peacepipe and
stash. "In fact, I DID write joke numero-uno within scarce MINUTES of
our last parting. But I got so excited with that one, I just HAD to
write a dozen more--you know, like a baker's dozen--as by now I REALLY
wanted to please you. Well, a dozen led to ANOTHER dozen, and then to a
DOZEN dozen, and... voila! My latest book, brother! You will be SO very
proud of me; check this out!"

And so I was handed a tome so heavy, it almost dropped from my hands
when I received it from Coy's trembling paws. I set it on my lap and
looked down at the book, and its title:


         1,001 Brain-F*cking Jokes

                    by
            Coyote T. Trickster



            


                    Blessed by the Great Spirit 
                    who gave me this tale, and 
                            many more.

Our Queer Leather Community may not be dying off, but millions of innocent creatures are still slaughtered each year in order to sate vanity's hunger! This queer vegan has never been able to wrap his head around the concept of butchering countless animals in the name of charity, to save countless other (human) animals. Why must such pointless carnage continue, when there are compassionate alternatives that will NOT impact fund-raising in any negative way? In fact, the excellent karma to CEASE this slaughter will most likely INCREASE the funds gained.

The etymology of word "animal" derives from the Latin "anima," which means "a living being, a soul". These dear souls deserve BETTER than their present treatment of mass confinement, terror and murder. NO ONE in this nation is unaware these days, of the ugly torment (in so many ways) that is part and parcel of our animal factories...whether to produce food OR garment. I find it ABHORRENT that brazen vanity is the only justification for their slaughter.

Why is our LGBT Community even PARTICIPATING in this animal holocaust, when we can easily switch to synthetics? Granted, there are issues of pollution and global slave labor when it comes to mass production of ANY clothing, but at least we'd eliminate the senseless death of Gaia's beloved fauna. Horses, cows, pigs, sheep, goats, etc. are all delightful creatures whose innocence give us joy, friendship, and protection...if only we care enough to love them back, or even simply LIKE them.

It is clear to me that this leather fad took off as a clever marketing ploy BY the leather industry, to grab a chunk of the lucrative gay market. Sadly, they succeeded, at the cost of much innocent life...just like the alcohol and tobacco financiers preceding them.

Imagine our Leather Community switching to SYNTHETIC versions. They could take PRIDE in the scent of "pleather" as a bold olfactory statement that no animal was killed in their social and charitable endeavors! While one's duds may not SMELL like leather (though I'm sure this, too, can be rectified through modern chemistry: maybe Liz Taylor could take a crack at it), one can still DRESS like leather, LOOK like leather, and ACT like leather. The parties, the events, the charitable causes will continue as usual, with the added grace that zillions of Goddess's creatures were SPARED from the slaughterhouse.

In these right-wing times when eating meat is seen as a sign of Amerikan patriotism (and those who don't are called commies or worse), it is especially difficult to speak out against these needless killings, whether for food, sport, or clothing. I'm sure I'll take a lot of flack from various bar patrons who read this letter...but I have grown tired of quietly sitting back, derided and excluded simply for not wearing leather.

Perhaps I take this all a bit too personally, for my Lakota name IS "Little Pony". Then again, perhaps I am so named in order to speak out against this global massacre of the Truly Innocent: our long-suffering brothers and sisters who've been tending this planet long, long before we humans ever arrived.

(This story is dedicated to "The Witt," my biker buddy.)

Jeen-Cat, a young Cro-Magnon boy, found himself fleeing north to escape the plunder of an evil tribe from the east. His village, which had dwelled in peace since before Jeen-Cat was born, had become, in a few horrible hours, piles of splinter and straw, pools of blood and violated corpses. Those villagers who were diseased or elderly were instantly bludgeoned to death; the rest were eaten alive, or carried off to be preserved for larder; Jeen-Cat was the only survivor, for his father told him to run. It was still The Ice Age (though the glaciers were now receding), and Jeen-Cat would rather die in the cold waste of the north, than in the hands, or between the teeth, of brutes. Jeen-Cat's people lived in a temperate zone, and knew nothing about survival in the land of ice...so a quiet death in snow became his only (and greatest) expectation.

Two seasons passed before Jeen-Cat reached the icy wall, and began his treacherous ascent up the jagged crevices. By the time he reached the frigid plateau, he collapsed, bloody, exhausted, and freezing at the wall's edge. In every other direction lay a limitless land of snow and ice. Weeping the loss of his people, he closed his eyes to welcome death in snow's embrace. But fate held a different plan, of which death played no part. Jeen-Cat opened his eyes to the stony walls of a cave, ruddy with the light of a warm fire...and the broad smile of a man gazing down at him: the first Neanderthal face he had ever seen...broader and rougher than the delicate bone structure of a Cro-Magnon's face...but the most handsome and kind face Jeen-Cat ever saw!

"Are you God?" were the boy's first words as he lay there, still drowsy, tucked beneath a large, woolly blanket of mammoth hide. The Caveman, not understanding Jeen-Cat's language, could only respond with quizzical lines across his deep brow. But the Neanderthal comforted the boy with strong, rough hands; and brushed away his tears with one finger...then crawled into the comfortable pile of skins to press his body against Jeen-Cat, and embrace him with great fondness, as the boy drifted off to a pleasant and healing sleep.

It took only the passing of two full moons before Jeen-Cat could fluently speak the Neanderthal tongue -- they were that happy and eager to learn everything about each other. For the Caveman bore great sorrow, too, before they met...his small family of one wife and two sons were forever separated from him by a Great Storm.

In the Land of Ice, no family has ever been known to survive without The Father to lead, protect, and hunt...at least not until the First Son equalled his Father in strength and skill. And survival necessitated that Neanderthal families remain small and scattered far apart -- so it was usually impossible for a family to replace a dead or lost Father with a new one. Freezing death rapidly overcame the Fatherless family; though, gratefully, its last conscious stages blessed the sufferers with the illusion of physical well-being and mental euphoria...thus deems Mother Nature in her cold mercy. Jeen-Cat's Caveman kept a special place in the back of his cave, where he painted a picture of his family living with a New Man; and sat there for some time each evening in the meditative shadows of flickering fire...for that picture was his prayer.

The Cro-Magnon boy and the Neanderthal man each had their own given names, of course, but to celebrate their friendship, they gave each other a spirit name -- which names, whenever spoken, would bring a pain of fondness to their hearts. They also called each other by many different terms of affection, but their favorite names were their spirit names, and these were: "Little Pony" (for the boy), and "Wit" (for the man). Jeen-Cat called the Caveman "Wit" because his Neanderthal buddy had the most wonderful sense of humor that made Jeen-Cat never feel sadness again, for the rest of their lives. The Caveman called his new boy "Little Pony" because Jeen-Cat was as frisky and mischievous as a colt...and also because, while Jeen-Cat's Cro-Magnon physique would always remain more delicate than a Neanderthal's, he grew into a fine specimen of a man, just like a muscular, strong little pony.

How did the Caveman know about horses, when none existed on the Ice Cap? Well, in sharing their lives, Jeen-Cat taught the Neanderthal all about the world of Cro-Magnon in the temperate zone. The Caveman was astounded to hear of such abundant plant and animal life at every step, in every direction! But he was also greatly saddened to hear of such evil between tribes, that would turn paradise into hell...as happened to his Little Pony. Jeen-Cat drew numerous animals from his world, on the walls of their Neanderthal cave, including a big horse and a little horse. "The big horse is you," said Jeen-Cat, "and the little horse is me."

Fire was not yet known in Little Pony's Cro-Magnon world, so he twice suffered a burned hand before learning to regard it not just in awe, but with respect. Fire was so sacred to the Neanderthal, that rituals grew around it, which were passed on from Father to Son; hence from Wit to Little Pony.

It is obvious how the portable warmth of fire in the Land of Ice could be sacred to the Caveman, for without it no man could even live. In addition to preventing one from freezing to death, it allowed Neanderthal Man to: thaw and cook food that he preserved outside in ice, melt snow or ice for water to drink and bathe in, see in the dark night when no man was able to see before, scare or burn dangerous beasts away, and cauterize serious wounds. Reasons enough for Caveman to regard fire as a gift from the gods (Prometheus), worship the sun (Zoroaster), and conceive of God as a luminous being or creator of light as the first manifestation of creation ("Let there be light").

But there are also less obvious gifts that came from fire, but which literally ignited the spirit and inspiration of Ice Age Man. Fire, by illuminating his cave at night, allowed Neanderthal time to think and party, and do creative things, rather than curl up and go to sleep once it got dark. Fire allowed him to paint deep in caves where it was formerly too dark to see -- thus, those tribes or peoples without fire, could not be part of the "Secret Order Of The Keepers Of The Flame," whose members were the only ones entitled to view (and create) those sacred paintings. Fire, by virtue of its beautiful colors and flames that flicker so hypnotically, naturally inspired Man's meditative, introspective, and trance-inducing capabilities...especially before bedtime, when he was already tired from a hard day of hunting in the frigid air, and therefore most receptive to trance-like states of higher consciousness.

Wit and Little Pony often made love around the fire, in a male-bonding ritual that joined the worship of fire (a provider of life to all Ice People) with worship of the male (a provider of life to the Family).

Since "Father" and, more generally, "The Male," were the life force on which the Neanderthal family totally depended for its survival, it is natural that worship of the male body evolved into one of the rituals around fire...from which females were forbidden to participate in, or even witness. The ritual was usually a gathering between passing families, where the men and boys would dance at night, their fine bodies shining in the fire's gentle glow. Their own masculine beauty would draw them into incredibly erotic frenzies, when their homosexual drive would take over as the climax to their worship. Sometimes, these ceremonies would lead to a "bonding" of two or more families into a tribe...thereby increasing each family's potential for survival and comfort in a cold and hostile existence. As the Ice Age diminished, more families bonded into tribes. Peaceful coexistence between two tribes was reasonably assured by intermarriage between men and women of both tribes...but an even greater likelihood of peace between two peoples, was when both "chiefs" of each tribe found conjugal bliss in each other's arms!

One day, Wit decided it was time to initiate Little Pony with the "Taking In Of The Fire"...a form of tattooing called scarification, whereby a tattoo is burned into the skin by the end of a sharp, fiery stick made from the bone of a white wolf.

TAKING IN OF THE FIRE: As fire worship, the initiation denotes taking the sacred flame into one's self. As animal worship, it represents the wolf, who for time immemorial has stood by the entrance to Man's cave, eyes glowing in fiery reflection...finally taken into the cave (and Man's heart) as "Best Friend". As male worship, it symbolizes the Neanderthal's initiation into true manhood. It is excrutiatingly painful, and that is how it should be.

At the arrival of the next darkest night (New Moon), The Neanderthal burned a tattoo of a dancing horse into his lover's left shoulder. "Believe me, buddy, it hurts me more than it does you!" Wit kept hollering at Little Pony who bit down on a stick to keep from screaming, while the Caveman etched the fire into flesh. But Little Pony was proud, very proud, to finally bear the mark that made him a True Neanderthal. Since the night he "took fire," he would often fall asleep with his fingers touching the raised mark on that shoulder. But for the Caveman, to touch his Little Pony, anywhere, was his greatest honor.

There were some interesting anatomical differences between Neanderthal and Cro-Magnon. For one thing, while Wit was of small stature (only an inch taller than Little Pony), his bones were so dense that he weighed 206 pounds, while a Cro-Magnon of the same height would weigh only about 150. He could pick Little Pony up with one, outstretched arm. Wit also had much thicker skin, which took a deeper cut to draw blood, and healed more rapidly than Cro-Magnon's. His skin would shed periodically, in large, thick flakes. And, while Little Pony was susceptible to dental cavities, the Neanderthal's teeth were not...if he lost a tooth, another would grow right in! Little Pony sometimes got pissed off because Wit never had toothaches, and because he was constantly cleaning little piles of skin flakes from the cave floor. ("God, every time you scratch yourself, we have a snowstorm in the house!" he'd holler at his Caveman buddy.)

We all still have a bit of Neanderthal genes inside us, some more so than others. How fortunate for those who can eat all the sugar they want, never brush their teeth, yet always have perfect ivories! How fortunate for those men born with Neanderthal bones, that give them such strong, butch bodies without lifting a single finger to exercise! But how unfortunate for those born with shedding skin, now considered an incurable disease (or at best, a terrible nuisance) called "eczema," the worst forms of which can disfigure one's face.

At first, Little Pony was quite upset at the way Wit greeted his male friends...by slipping a hand into the guy's crotch (friend reciprocating in like manner). But the Cro-Magnon boy finally calmed down, after Wit explained, very patiently, that this was how two Neanderthal men indicated friendly, rather than evil, intentions.

"Can't you just shake hands?" complained Little Pony, "That's how our people indicate friendliness."

"Yeah, well you ain't gonna just let anyone stick his hand in your crotch, if you're the least bit uncomfortable or suspicious," replied Wit, "How much easier for an enemy to pass into your cave with the shake of a hand! If your people used the crotch method, I'm sure your enemy tribes would have been identified quickly enough to protect yourselves from any possible destruction."

"Oh, yeah?" snapped his little buddy, "Then the Great Father would have never found an excuse to bring us together!"

And so they lived out their blissful lives, Little Pony and Wit, in the Land of Snow and Ice, and Brotherly Love. And in the later part of their lives, when it seemed that Neanderthal would soon leave this mortal veil, Little Pony wanted to die with him. So they walked for miles, together, to a place where they could perish in peace, under a blanket of snow under the starry sky.

Ilustration by The Witt

From: "Gay Guy" [I-am-the-best@asm.org]
To: "Luke Warm" [fake_friends@HetEmpire.bad]

"Luke Warm" [fake_friends@HetEmpire.bad] wrote:

|Il Duce-

Please, I prefer to be called "El Presidente"...if you don't mind. But you seem to have a mind of your own; that's gotta go!

Apparantly, my angels think it would be such fun to create a "Banana Republic" scenario for my rise to power. So "Il Duche" is out, "El Presidente" is in. So is "El Comandante".

| After about an hour with you yesterday, hearing you
| go over and over your plans to rule the world,
| complete with shrill laughter and claims of
| perfection and infallibility, I have reached the
| conclusion that you are utterly mad.

Good for you...then if I'm ever threatened with being cut off from disability funds, I know I can count on you to defend my case...but if not, I can always sub-poena. But don't paint me as the culprit: blame it on September 11, and the horrendous abuses we who live at 2306 suffered throughout last year, regarding the emergency building repairs.

| You need to come down off your manic high. Might I
| suggest Lithium?

You can't tell the difference between an elegant sense of humor and insanity. That's because you were raised to condemn anyone as "mad" who does not behave precisely like "everyone else". I just take it to new heights, which is the heart of San Francisco's abused spirit: humor and wit in the face of dullards and terrorists. Fortunate for you, you are classified under the former. You just don't know how to have fun, poor soul-- you're what some circles would call, a "killjoy".

Please consider that I am a brilliantly-gifted artist, who uses life as the Ultimate (and favorite) Canvas. This is my latest work in progress: my attempts to run for President while still classified as poor, unemployed, receiving gov't stipend, blatantly homosexual, AND borderline schizophrenic and manic-depressive. That is the challenge life presents me; that is the challenge I answer...in my own inimitable way. It is my hope that this latest work will exceed the good results I achieved in my last opus, "The Somalian Affair".

| Until you decide to take more responsibility for
| your mental health and come to grips how you are
| coming across, I wish you (once again) good luck.

Responsibility? A society that scorns me for having some sort of mental disability, denies me decent labor, denies me a decent home, denies me a decent community, denies me continued care of my miserable teeth, denies me any other decent medical care (and they're supposed to be our HEALERS?)... all because I don't have a fat wallet. And then you tell me about "reponsibility?" I'm just giving back to the world what it dished out to me. And I'm right, they're wrong... nothing could be clearer than that: THEM who persecute the poor and the homosexual, versus US who only want to enjoy life. There are no shades of gray in this man's army.

| Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device:
| Click Here

I clicked and clicked, and clicked, but you know what?

No one's home.

P.S.: My spontaneous mockery of this comic tragedy we call humanity, sadly eludes you. I'm having a heck of a lot of fun, while you stand on the sidelines whimpering, worrying over your busy little hands whether or not you should assume the "responsibility" to "turn me in". Don't even go there, as I don't hate you, and wouldn't want to see you suffer the ugly consequences of betraying a Friend To All Queers. But if you do, tell 'em this: "Randolph Louis Taylor sent me".

P.P.S.: I enjoyed your visit, and your delicious little e-mail that followed. You certainly know how to include a "sense of closure" to friendly get-togethers! If you can better control your erroneous use of judgment, I'll be more than glad to see you again.

P.P.P.S.: Vote for me!

---
Vote for Zeke in double-oh-eight,
Or right-wing goons will seal your fate!

Oh tremble Amerika, you land of Moloch,
for you have greatly broken my covenant:
that you should speak for The Angel of Democracy
to every corner of the world.

What have you done, Amerika, spreading fear
of your own self (instead of love for freedom)
to every nation, to every person;
yeah, even unto your own citizens,
that they tremble so before you,
Oh Hand of Satanic Ruin?

Who are you, Amerika, that you should take ten percent
of your children,
(who you call "homosexual" but I call "Hellene")
and teach them terror unending from day to day,
and year to year,
right unto their very own death?

What wickedness is this, Amerika,
that you take the very Word of God and blaspheme it
to preach the killing and misery of a good number
of your brave children (Hellenes)
whose only sin is brotherly and sisterly love?
(Were you to sin in such a seemly manner,
you'd all know heaven by now!)

Amerika, you are NO LONGER God's country,
for you have broken your covenant with me,
in a most grevious manner.
You have invented A NEW ARROGANCE which hubris
even I have never seen, nor Lucifer ever conceived;
in such unbridled malice of your own loyal
Hellenic citizens, WHO ARE ALSO MY ANGELS!

Oh, Amerika, tremble now, for the hour has arrived:
for amber waves of grain to wither under a Great Drought,
for purple mountain majesty to shower pestilence
     upon the fruited plain,
and for fiery whirlwinds to level your great cities
that lay parched of spirit and void of compassion.

My hetero Amerikans: return to your homes,
complacent in your gender supremacy,
believing that you are righteous
in your condemnation of homosexuals,
or in your tolerating these citizens
(as long as they don't demand equal treatment
     under your laws).

Amerika-Moloch, you ARE hypocrite
unlike any other under the sun,
and your time in this age has come to a close.
You have sealed your own fate:
of a terrible Civil War of many deaths and unholy
     destruction.
Vermont shall go insane with rabid homophobia
and rape herself into many pieces;
while Florida burns from political fires,
and sinks into the Atlantic,
her great smoky plume turning all of Mexico into midnight
for eleven dark months.

And all lands in between and west of these two raging
    states,
shall likewise be consumed by plagues and madness
     of myriad types.
The Great Mississippi shall overflow with the blood
     of you hypocrites,
drowning many in your sleep;
and your towns shall stink of your children's putrifying
     flesh.

For I have summoned my Angel who long ago
freed the Hebrews from Egyptian bondage,
to now unshackle all same-sex lovers from your
     diabolical chains.
For them, I shall keep the region known as Northern
     California, as a safe refuge...
casting out all who maintain homophobic ideas,
no matter how slight.
This includes many churches of the Christian realm.

And this region I shall name "Athenia",
to separate her from the punishment I shall mete out
to the remainder of land known
(for a while longer) as Amerika.

In our perverted society (and in many others) the sign of a "real" man is gal-bashing and fag-bashing...which, as a gay activist (and dedicated feminist), I often speak out against. Even here in "Gay Mecca" San Francisco, homophobia AND misogyny are alive and thriving. Female pornography and hard-core sex clubs thrive; and any man who admires the beauty of another male is at risk of violence or, at best, public disgust and derision.

I consider the pornographication of women to be horrific and an utter degradation of any society. And seems about to cross the line into popularizing snuff films. It is this commonly shared violence of male machismo which closely unites the cause of both women and sexual minorities. I have also come to the realization--after many years introspection--that worldwide violence (war, poverty, famine, slavery, etc.) will only come to an end, once homophobia is eradicated.

Notice how much BETTER a nation fares, when it comes to respect its own LGBT community: all OTHER minorities (and females) win, too. Those nations would be most of Western Europe (especially Scandinavia and Holland), and the former British Commonwealth of Canada, New Zealand and Australia. In fact, it is the European Union pressing member-wannabes to CEASE their homophobic attitudes, as a prerequisite for joining their civilized network.

Social engineering is WHY we are constantly bombarded by heterocentric notions, in the media via movies, advertisements and most other entertainment and news. In fact, I propose renaming movie theaters "heterosexist indoctrination centers," to more accurately define their true purpose. Female rock stars--no matter how old (I mean: Tina Turner?)--are displayed like jailbait tarts for the tittilation of male audiences.

This is a crude form of social engineering, though most effective. Turn off the machismo spigot, and watch how quickly bisexuality becomes the norm...and as a consequence, respect towards females and queers. Men will no longer feel pressured to produce unwanted babies simply to PROVE to the public, their manliness and NON-gayness. They will no longer be coerced to threaten and bash queers to likewise prove their masculinity.

In fact, I believe that the very ROOT of war is this subliminal current of machismo: all these red-blooded, infuriated males all riled up to fight any culture Uncle Sam perceives as "wimpy" and unamerikan. Just look at how redneck citizens view our European (and Canadian) allies: as a bunch of simpering faggots. Not shown in the mainstream news re. wartime footage, is our own soldiers scrawling homophobic graffiti throughout "enemy" territory. Of course, this exacerbates Arabs, because they have proven to be even MORE gay-hating than the USofA (and THAT'S saying a mouthful; 'scuse pun). And so it goes, round and round.

Gays are like the bonobos chimps of the human race. Distribute us in strategic places of government, and we'll REALLY show you how to make love, not war. BROTHERLY (and sisterly) love. Homosexuals are the tempering force of society, and once we are allowed to breathe free, we will dismantle all forces that seek to rape, pillage, and otherwise decimate what goodness and joy exists in any culture. It's our nature.

But until societies across the world wake up to the very FACT that resolving homophobia will also resolve male violence and WAR, we will continue down this sorry path of terror and Fascism. Even (with rare exception) our most liberal and progressive movements continue to TRIVIALIZE the utter importance of gay liberation, to their own detriment, and to Amerika's, and the world's.

I nonetheless applaud those still way-too-few media/political/social outlets who are finally waking up. Salud!

Sinqueerly yours,

Zeke Krahlin

--
Lavender-Velvet Revolution
http://www.gay-bible.org

My letter to the editor did NOT get published as promised by Bay Times. (See my article two posts below, or click here.) I decided then to revise and update it, and resend it. Here is the result:

Dear Editor,

It is clear to me that Hole in the Wall Saloon's prolonged relocation difficulties is a matter of karmic justice, than of NIMBY politics and business rivalry. During my two-plus years as a regular patron, I have witnessed (and suffered) incredibly dark mojo that still continues. Here's a quick list of my grievances against Hole in the Wall:

- I was drugged and mugged by a patron of Hole in the Wall. No customer or bartender gave me any compassion or support, nor did they admit knowing the culprit. (I have since learned that some regulars, and most bartenders there, knew all along.)

- Before the mugging, I had formed an excellent friendship with one patron, Larkin. But immediately after I informed him of the attack, he ceased our association. And it continues to this very day (more than a year-and-a-half later).

- Some of Larkin's "friends" (including bartenders Gary C. and Chris A.) humiliated me, turning him against me. I had to endure this for MONTHS (that is, until I finally left that bar).

- Weekend bartender Chris A. did nothing when I was attacked by a somewhat large dog. Instead, he kicked me out, and let the dog and owner stay.

- I was threatened with severe violence by another patron (red-headed speed freak Chris), on Gary C.'s shift. Yet the bartender did nothing.

I finally left that bar to hang out at the Eagle Tavern...a place I found much friendlier and safer, at least for a while. Sadly, the gossip from Hole in the Wall followed me there. Obviously, some bartenders and patrons have manipulated Larkin to hate me. (I can barely IMAGINE the wicked gossip used against me, and why Larkin fell for it.) I was recently threatened from one loser named "Gypsy" who is friends with the above-mentioned Gary C., and hangs out at BOTH bars. The bartender on duty, Ron, failed to 86 (or even reprimand) him for threatening a patron. So my days at the Eagle may be numbered, too.

Being Buddhist at heart, I take the high road: "I have no enemies, only teachers." My goal is not vengeance, but justice. Those who play my enemy I hope to win as friends. Imagine what all this negative energy can do for gay rights here in Gay Mecca, once it's channeled into a positive route! I do have an excellent resolution in mind, to make this a win-win situation for all involved:

Larkin, I cherish the friendship we had for a while. I prayed that you'd get your old job back at the Tacqueria next door to "The Hole", and to have you return to South of Market, where you were the star for over seven years. I am the one behind welcoming you to the Eagle, when all other bars wouldn't have you. Just ask Ron. Truth is: we've BOTH been shafted, and the last thing these A-holes care to see, is the resumption of our camaraderie. My prayers for your return to SOMA have been answered in every way, and I only need to look forward now, to my return into your heart.

It is time to mend all damage done. But time has grown short. If you do not change your ways, this will all backfire, and what you wished against me shall come to avenge me instead. Larkin, your willful cooperation with such evil will only entrap you, unless you answer to your conscience NOW. You are my hero: don't fail me, or yourself.

I want Hole in the Wall to relocate UNDER MY TERMS:

Rename the saloon to "Larkin's Lagoon"...where Larkin will be the host and professional bouncer. He'll be paid a living wage including quality health care. A plywood cutout of Larkin (artfully painted, holding a cue stick in one hand, cigarette in the other, with his trademark sardonic smile) shall be attached to the front door, or beside it. Details on how the bar should be run will be left up to me, during negotiations with the owners.

This includes reducing alcohol consumption by 80%, and increasing marijuana use drastically, by including THC based concoctions. (Currently illegal, but we know it's the right thing to do in order to heal our community. At this point in our history, to NOT move in this direction makes us complicit with the persecution of our homophobic enemies. Can you say "speakeasy?")

In sum: I take heart from Buddha's words in the Dhammapada: "A fool is happy until his mischief backfires. And a good man may suffer until his goodness blossoms."

A more detailed account of my grievances and solutions can be viewed at my Gay Bible web site:

gay-bible.org/truetales/6_dark-mojo .htm

Sincerely,

Zeke Krahlin
Gay Activist since 1973

From: 	   Zeke
To: 	   Bartender Ron
Date: 	   19 Sep 2007, 11:42:27 AM
Subject:   My letter to Bay Times

Hey, Ron! You can read my letter "Dark Mojo At The Hole", both full
version and abridged, here:

ezekielk.tblog.com/post/1969958453

FYI, if you want to follow my articles about my SOMA adventures, they
start in March 2006 through now. Just click on the archive links in the
left column. Scroll down to find every article relating to SOMA, for
they are interspersed with other topics. In fact, my very first SOMA
post (March 2006) is located at page bottom.

(Had I a functioning printer, I would have printed them out and made a
book of them, as a gift for all your kind support. Alas, I cannot.)

BTW, besides overhearing a conversation a few weeks ago, which indicated
further delays in opening the relocated Hole, there is this recent
letter from the owners (dated September 6, 2007):

sfbaytimes.com/index.php?sec=article&article_i  d=6808

That is what led me to believe there are further holdups which may
thwart them from ever reopening...and thus, inspired my letter
(triggered by my "last straw" witness of Gary C. and Larkin playing pool
together two nights ago).

Have an excellent weekend. 

Zeke



From: 	   Bartender Ron
To: 	   Zeke
Date: 	   19 Sep 2007, 01:38:10 PM
Subject:   RE: My letter to Bay Times

Hi Zeke;

Ron here.  I read both your letters and i must say i agree and disagree
with some things.   I noticed in the letters you mention the Eagle on
several occassions, and about how hatred, anger and threats had followed
you there.  My first question is;  if you have such strong, bad feelings
about the Eagle, why do you go there?  Second, I have always treated you
welll and as a patron would not let anything bad happen to you while you
are there.  In life, we all have people that do not like us.  there are
many who do not like me.  I have been dosed, I have been in the hospital
hanging onto life, which by the way this happened in the castro, so
incidents you site at the Hole and the Eagle happen at every other bar
also.  Now, this does not make them right, but you make it sound like
bad things and bad people are only at the Hole and the Eagle, and that
just is not true.

As far as opening the new Hole under "your terms", that will never
happen.  You do not own the property or liquor license, so really you
are in no position to dictate terms.

I feel very bad for the things that have happened to you.  Bad things
have happened to me also, and i keep going on.  I thank you for you kind
words about me, but I feel sad that you felt it necessary to attack the
Eagle where I feel you have been treated very well.

Ron



From: 	  Zeke
To: 	  Bartender Ron
Date: 	  19 Sep 2007, 07:58:40 PM
Subject:  Re: My letter to Bay Times

Ron said:

| My first question is;  if you have such strong, bad 
| feelings about the Eagle, why do you go there?

Because as you also said, bad things tend to happen in ANY bar. Weighing
the pros and cons, I found the Eagle to be the best among all the SOMA
bars. Another reason of course, as an activist, I need a bar in which to
network my ideas...including introducing good people to other good
people. This will make the bars safer and friendlier,and bring in more
business.

| Second, I have always treated you well and as a patron would not let
| anything bad happen to you while you are there.

That's good to know; I'm aware of that. I told you yesterday, that Gypsy
threatened me. You need to keep on your toes about this, as no doubt
he's already gossiping against me, to get me out, and perhaps do me
harm.

| In life, we all have people that do not like us. there are many who do
| not like me. 

Understood. But when you are aggressively attacked and threatened, and
people keep gossiping, one can choose to run away from it, or stand
one's ground. I chose the latter.

| I have been dosed, I have been in the hospital hanging onto life, which
| by the way this happened in the castro, so incidents you site at the
| Hole and the Eagle happen at every other bar also. 

No doubt had I selected another bar, I'd finally have to confront
matters that get out of hand and threaten to injure me, or drive me out.
However, the Hole is the WORST, most DANGEROUS gay bar I've ever been
in, here in SF.

| Now, this does not make them right, but you make it sound like bad
| things and bad people are only at the Hole and the Eagle, and that just
| is not true. 

I don't think intelligent readers will take it that way. But let me
reiterate: The Hole has a lot of evil coming from it, and it spills over
into the Eagle, more so than any other bar. There are plenty of good
folks in both bars, too...however, for whatever reasons I have been
selected for some particularly nasty and ongoing attacks. Two reasons I
can think of: jealousy over my friendship w/Larkin, and ignorant hatred
towards left wing activists.

| As far as opening the new Hole under "your terms", that will never
| happen.  You do not own the property or liquor license, so really you
| are in no position to dictate terms. 

That is not my concern: it is a wish I expressed. This way, I may turn
Larkin's friendship back in my direction, because of what I WISH for
him. Also, should any more threats come my way at the Eagle, as a result
of Gypsy's gossip (or anyone else's), then I WILL bring this to the
police. At that point, assuming I have a strong case, I can strike an
agreement with the owners regarding "Larkin's Lagoon".

|I feel very bad for the things that have happened to you. 

And I feel AWFUL.

|Bad things have happened to me also, and i keep going on. 

Likewise. But I'm sure if you keep having wicked people screwing with
you, you'd finally take a stand in order to put an end to this. As far
as I know, you are not in such a circumstance at this time. I am.

| I thank you for you kind words about me, but I feel sad that you felt it
| necessary to attack the Eagle where I feel you have been treated very
| well. 

Very well by some. Crappy by others. As I just said, Gypsy threatened
me, and it was at the Eagle. I have noticed that anyone who's been crude
to me also frequents the Hole.

Further: I do not see my complaints as an attack upon the Eagle. Truth
is truth, and some of the ugly souls who frequent the Hole also frequent
the Eagle.

Because I am treated well by SOME, does not mean EVERYONE is treating me
well. I am certain that my letter will help move ALL the SOMA bars into
a much better direction...with the Eagle at the helm. I ENJOY the Eagle,
for what you have done for me. Just realize I have learned to enjoy the
good in situations, even when there's some (or a lot of) hell stewing
around me.

Let me put it this way: as nice as you are to me, does not change the
fact that Gypsy threatened me. It does not make all the bad go away.

See you Saturday as usual, unless you feel I've become too hot to
handle. 

Zeke



From: 	   Zeke
To: 	   Bartender Ron
Date: 	   20 Sep 2007, 11:55:27 AM
Subject:   What I DON'T understand...

...is when Larkin showed up that day and hugged you, thanking you for
keeping the door open for his return, you did not take the opportunity
then, to tell him that I'M the one behind welcoming him back. I sat
there at the other end of the bar, shocked. If you really feel so bad
over my difficult situation, it seems you would have spoken out then.

Whatever. I won't be back for a while. Have fun with your girlfriends
Gary Clayton, Gypsy (Arthur), Chris Altman and, of course...Larkin
Kelsey. But I leave you with this:

Was it really worth a measly 30 silver coins?

Kisses.



From: 	   Bartender Ron
To: 	   Zeke
Date: 	   20 Sep 2007, 10:41:44 PM
Subject:  Re: My letter to Bay Times

hey zeke:

You are not too hot to handle!!!  Thanks for the
feedback and I hope to see you on Saturday.  I hope you
know you are welcome to come in and I look forward to
seeing you and further interesting dicussions with you.

Hope you have a good friday and will see you on
Saturday.

Ron



From: 	  Zeke
To: 	  Bartender Ron
Date: 	  21 Sep 2007, 12:05:04 AM
Subject:  Re: My letter to Bay Times

Ron said:

| You are not too hot to handle!!!

You really had me going there for a while Ron...I was really worried!

| Thanks for the feedback and I hope to see you on
| Saturday.

I have to be honest as best I can. If you guys (Gypsy, Larkin, etc.) are
testing my courage and sincerity, more power to you. As far as I'm
concerned, I hope all this testing that's been dragging me over the
coals for almost 2 years has finally ended.

I've remained balanced, fair-minded, and not afraid to stand up for
myself. I can't imagine anything else I need to go through to prove my
spirit. But then again, I don't know everything.

I HOPE Gypsy's threat was a test of my courage, and not genuine. But I
realize that regardless, my angels watch over me, and won't let harm
come my way.

| I hope you know you are welcome to come in and I look
| forward to seeing you and further interesting
| dicussions with you.

Okay. I really miss Larkin!

| Hope you have a good friday and will see you on
| Saturday.

I will have a GREAT Friday. You guys are too much...but I can handle
anything you dish my way. (Except perhaps corned beef hash.)  :D

Zeke

It is clear to me that Hole in the Wall Saloon's probable demise is a matter of karmic law, than of NIMBY politics and business rivalry. During my two-plus years as a regular patron, I have witnessed (and suffered) incredibly dark mojo that still continues to dog me, long after my patronage. The malicious spillover from that establishment has poisoned the entire SOMA gay bar community, to the detriment of all...but most especially, the Eagle Tavern. This is neither a simple matter of cliquism, nor alcohol dysfunction, nor hard drug abuse, nor AIDS trauma. Though they certainly contribute to said problem, they are simply adjuncts to the genuinely horrific evil that is brewing there, like the cauldron of a gibbering witch in her last stages of syphilitic madness. The vile behavior of those so guilty, reflects that of an established cult or cabal, that make the adjuncts just mentioned pale by comparison. Here is a list of the various grievances I hold against Hole in the Wall, and the shady fraternity that reigns over the SOMA gay community, like a malevolent plague:

1) On 10 April 2006, I was drugged and mugged by a patron of Hole in the Wall. When I returned a few days later, still in shock, I talked to various regulars and bartenders about the incident. None gave me any compassion or support, nor did they admit that this culprit was a regular. Only several months later, did I find out on my own that indeed, he was/is an evening regular...and that most (if not all) of the bartenders, and some of the other regulars, know exactly who this person is (I described him to a tee). Since no one showed any care for my suffering, I finally got the incident printed in a letter to the Bay Times, to warn others (issue dated 13 September 2007). You can read it here.

2) Prior to this mugging, I had formed the beginning of an excellent friendship with one patron, Larkin. But immediately after I informed him of the attack, he ceased talking and associating with me. And after more than a year and a half, he remains cold and silent to me, as if I don't even exist, or am not worth the speck of dirt on his shoe. (In hopes of eventually resuming our friendship, I still wait for him to finally hug me and say: "I'm so sorry this happened, but I'm glad you pulled through.")

3) Some of Larkin's "friends" participated in humiliating me by petty games of jealousy and wicked gossip...some, with the implicit cooperation of Larkin himself. For example, one patron, "Jeff", smooched and petted with Larkin whenever I showed up, often right in front of me...when I knew very well they weren't the least bit attracted to each other. They never did this before my mugging...and kept it up for several months. I felt very ashamed for Larkin's sadly immature and vindictive behavior in someone I so admire. If you'd like to know just how much I admire him, read this article from my web log, entitled "Larkin: A Hidden Treasure" and "Blessed Be My Wednesday".

(To your credit, Larkin: until you were 86'd, you continued to watch over me, protect me from threats and violence, even though in every other way ignored me. Thank you immensely. You suffered a lot of anger by petty queens, in so doing. That is but one among many reasons I'll never give up on you, and always have faith in your goodness.)

Worse yet: bartenders Gary C. and Chris A. spread gossip to all the other bartenders and additional patrons...leaving me isolated, to suffer hostility and threats by various regulars. This gossip also dissolved what other friendships I had formed there, prior to my mugging.

4) Weekend bartender Chris A. did nothing when I was attacked by a somewhat large dog, who was obviously disturbed by the loud music booming throughout the saloon. Though I defended myself and suffered no bite, Chris did not evict, or even admonish, the dog's owner...instead, he kicked me out for warning others who entered, to beware of the unruly dog. Seeing as weekday bartender Gary C. had already 86'd Larkin a couple months before (as part of his plot to destroy my friendship w/Larkin), I could only see my buddy during weekends. Now, that was conveniently sabotaged by Chris. (Note: some of the large dogs bartenders allow in--especially pit bulls, dobermans and rottweilers--are clearly not appropriate due to their poor manners and lack of a muzzle...thus endangering all patrons.)

5) I remained at Hole in the Wall on Gary's shift, in order to get to the bottom of this intrigue...for I am a tenacious person who always gets answers in the long run. Unfortunately, I was finally driven out for good by a serious threat upon my person. The attacker threatened to kill me (cut me up with a knife). He screamed this in front of several people. Yet when I complained to Gary seconds later, did he kick him out? No, he accused us both of stirring up trouble, and he'd kick us both out. I told him no need to do that; I'll leave now and never return. You can read the details on my web log, entitled "The Unholy in the Wall".

I confided in one person (Joe C.) who I thought was a friend, by e-mailing him a copy of that letter. Instead, he accused me of the most vile behavior. And distributed copies of my letter throughout the SOMA bars in an attempt to put my life in further danger, and drive me out. This, on top of his fighting cancer, undergoing painful and exhausting chemotherapy! (I guess if that gives you a motive to stay alive, I won't knock it. But Joe, you should be aware that I pray for you regularly for a complete remission, regardless of your less than sterling behavior.)

6) I finally left that bar, to hang out at the Eagle Tavern. Sadly, some of the malicious regulars out of Hole in the Wall, also frequent the Eagle...and thus, spread further gossip and hatred against me. Their foul gossip continues to endanger my life at worst, and keep me from forming solid friendships at best.

As stated above, I am a tenacious person, and thus remain a patron at the Eagle, in order to finally get to the bottom of this pathetic SOMA intrigue. But my patience has finally worn thin; thus this letter in hopes it will reach the public eye. The incidents at Hole in the Wall (described above) happened over the span from April 2006 to January 2007. Yet the gossip continues, while Larkin remains silent towards me, and is now even friendly with those who initially hated and messed with him (including Gary C.). Obviously, he and others have manipulated Larkin into hating me. (I certainly hope you can see through their vulgar antics, Larkin, and will not explode in violence against me or anyone else.) Their gossip continues to make some regulars at both the Hole in the Wall and the Eagle, to hate and fear me...all out of jealousy (and certainly for no good reason, for I am blameless).

As I implied earlier, this behavior among a certain SOMA clique resembles that of a cult, rather than your standard home brew of petty spitefulness and alcoholic dysfunction. And it seems to me--by what I have observed over these past two-plus years--to have been going on for quite some time, probably ten years or more. How it began, I can only surmise.

But being a Buddhist at heart, I take the high road: "I have no enemies, only teachers." My goal is not vengeance, but justice...and those who play my enemy I hope to win over as friends. (Indeed, that has begun!) I do have an excellent resolution in mind, to make this a win-win situation for all involved, both friends and enemies. Read on:

1) Larkin, I cherish the friendship we had for a few months, and know that you are worth all this trouble. I am NOT attracted to you sexually, though I certainly hold great affection for the kindness and fun you so graciously shared with me. Obviously, this made a LOT of folks jealous, probably because they already hated you for being such a good looker, and so talented. I prayed that you'd get your old job back at the Tacqueria next door to "The Hole", and to have you return to South of Market, where you were the star for over seven years. I am the one behind welcoming you to the Eagle, when all other bars wouldn't have you. (And at the Eagle, on only one certain bartender's shift.) I have spoken only good about you to everyone who'd listen, in order to squelch the gossip that drove you out. More than anything else (including your own slip-ups, for which you must make amends), it was jealousy of our excellent friendship that led to these difficulties...and your own screwed up karma that drove you out. It seems that you have been persuaded to blame me for various difficult mishaps. But the truth is: we've BOTH been shafted, and the last thing these A-holes care to see, is the resumption of our camaraderie. My prayers for your return to SOMA have been answered in every way, and I only need to look forward now, to my return into your heart.

2) Ron (Eagle bartender), you have been magnanimous in supporting my struggles to right these grievous wrongs, including your kindness and patience to Larkin, by making him feel welcome there. You have been a harbor of friendship and courage for myself, and for Larkin. I also want to thank the handful of other folks in SOMA (mostly Eagle patrons, bartenders and a few from The Hole), for not listening to the gossip, thereby maintaining friendly relations with me. Though you have no idea of the horrific situations I've had to deal with till now; and this has been a great frustration and cross for me to bear. Ron, the agreement we made for your support, was I'd not write another letter of complaint, but try to work things out on a personal, community level...as long as the gossip did not continue from one bartender at The Hole. Sadly, the gossip did continue, and still does...yet I held back for many months, till I've reached the end of my patience, which is now.

3) Gypsy (regular at both bars in question), you have turned out to be an excellent friend, after a dark situation that occurred between us many years ago. I never thought I'd see you again (and never wanted to)! You are doing an excellent job of mending the damage done to me and Larkin. However, I fear that you don't quite grasp the enormity of evil wrought by Gary C. Yes, you assured me he would not harm me, that "time heals all wounds"...but you do not seem to realize that his gossip can result in physical harm to me. It is a FACT that Gary did nothing when I was severely threatened by another regular...and that's just one among many examples.

I'm sorry that you think he is such a great person (as do various other SOMA regulars), for I know better: Gary C. is a vulgar and wicked soul, whose gossip has also done harm to other good patrons.

4) To my remaining enemies: it is time to mend all damage done, and I hold no grudges. But time has grown short. If you do not change your ways, this will all backfire, and what you wished against me shall come to avenge me instead. I am trying to nip this negative outcome in the bud, as best I can. Larkin, your willful cooperation with such evil will only come to entrap you, unless you answer to your conscience NOW. Should this tragedy unfold, I will not find any joy, but sorrow for what you've brought upon yourself. You are my hero: don't fail me, or yourself...do what you KNOW is the right thing. Speak out to my remaining enemies, help them change their lives to one of great wonder, joy, honesty and fulfillment. You are a brilliant, gifted man in so many ways!

5) When the mending begins--and I have absolute faith it will--I have great plans for all. Imagine what all this negative energy can do for gay rights here in The City, once it's channeled into a positive route! As a first step, I have redirected all the jealous hatred against Larkin, towards myself, that he may reestablish his presence in SOMA, and create a more stable and joyful existence. Now, I take this negative energy and rework it into a positive outcome...this letter being but my latest step in that direction. I want Hole in the Wall to reopen in its new location UNDER MY TERMS. Here they are:

Rename the saloon to "Larkin's Lagoon"...where Larkin will be the host and professional bouncer. He'll be paid a living wage including quality health and dental care. A plywood cutout of Larkin (artfully painted, holding a cue stick in one hand, cigarette in the other, with his trademark sardonic smile) shall be attached to the front door, or beside it. Details on how the bar should be run will be left up to me, during negotiations with the owners. This includes reducing alcohol consumption by 80%, and increasing marijuana use drastically, by including THC based concoctions. (Technically illegal, but we know it's the right thing to do, in order to heal our community. At this point in our history, to NOT move in this direction makes us complicit with the persecution of our homophobic enemies. Can you say "speakeasy?")

There will also be provided an extensive menu of healthful teas, juices and coffees. This will bring in many more customers who'd love to hang out with gay crowds, but have hesitated before, due to rampant alcoholism and substance abuse. (I would LOVE to be the world's first gay bar barista!)

I am not a vengeful man, and to prove this, I will make sure that all former enemies will NOT be left out in the cold, but be included in this new SOMA family, as good friends and indispensable patrons.

I take heart from Buddha's words in the Dhammapada: "A fool is happy until his mischief backfires. And a good man may suffer until his goodness blossoms."

Believing the truth in Buddha's claim that we have no enemies, only teachers, I consider the possibility that all this outrageous intrigue is nothing more than a hilarious setup by beloved angels, in order to make me a hero. My only retort is: "Ha, ha. Very funny guys. Well done. I am exhausted, but grateful that ultimately, no evil has been done!"

In service to our gay community here in San Francisco, including my homeless gay brothers and others disenfranchised, I remain:

Zeke Krahlin
Gay Activist & Homeless Advocate since 1973

From: Zeke
To: Bay Times Letters
Date: 18 Sep 2007, 02:22:09 PM
Subject: Re: Dark Mojo at The Hole

Letters writes:

Hi Zeke

We'd love to publish a letter from you on this subject, but this one is waaay too long,
even as an editorial (which we do not have space for this issue, which is a tight issue).
If you can get this down to 500 words, we'll pubish it.

500? Aaaarrrrgh! Such a Herculean task. I'll try my best. Thanks, Kim.

----------(2 hours later:)

Dear Editor,

It is clear to me that Hole in the Wall Saloon's probable demise is a
matter of karmic justice. During my two-plus years as a regular patron,
I have witnessed (and suffered) incredibly dark mojo that still
continues. Here's a quick list of my grievances against Hole in the
Wall:

- I was drugged and mugged by a patron of Hole in the Wall. No patron or
bartender gave me any compassion or support, nor did they admit knowing
the culprit.

- Before mugging, I had formed an excellent friendship with one patron,
Larkin. But immediately after I informed him of the attack, he ceased
our association. And it continues to this very day.

- Some of Larkin's "friends" (including bartenders Gary C. and Chris A.)
humiliated me, turning Larkin against me.

- Weekend bartender Chris A. did nothing when I was attacked by a
somewhat large dog. Instead, he kicked me out.

- I was threatened with severe violence by another patron, on Gary C.'s
shift. Yet the bartender did nothing.

I finally left that bar, to hang out at the Eagle Tavern. Sadly, the
gossip from Hole in the Wall followed me there. Obviously, some
bartenders and patrons have manipulated Larkin to hate me.

My goal is not vengeance, but justice. Those who play my enemy I hope to
win as friends. I do have an excellent resolution in mind, to make this
a win-win situation for all involved:

Larkin, I cherish the friendship we had for a while. Truth is: we've
BOTH been shafted, and the last thing these A-holes care to see, is the
resumption of our camaraderie.

Ron (Eagle bartender), you have been magnanimous in supporting my
struggles to right these grievous wrongs. I also want to thank the
handful of other folks in SOMA who've remained a friend through it all.

It is time to mend all damage done. But time has grown short. If you do
not change your ways, this will all backfire, and what you wished
against me shall come to avenge me instead. Larkin, your willful
cooperation with such evil will only entrap you, unless you answer to
your conscience NOW. You are my hero: don't fail me, or yourself.

I want Hole in the Wall to relocate UNDER MY TERMS:

Rename the saloon to "Larkin's Lagoon"...where Larkin will be the host
and professional bouncer. He'll be paid a living wage including quality
health care. Details on how the bar should be run will be left up to me,
during negotiations with the owners. 

This includes increasing marijuana use drastically, by including THC
based concoctions. (Technically illegal, but we know it's the right
thing to do, in order to heal our community. At this point in our
history, to NOT move in this direction makes us complicit with the
persecution of our homophobic enemies. Can you say "speakeasy?")

A detailed account of my grievances and solutions can be viewed on my
web site:

gay-bible.org/truetales/6_dark-mojo  .htm

Sincerely,


Zeke Krahlin
Gay Activist & Homeless Advocate since 1973

_________________________  _________________________  ________

From: 	   Philly John
To: 	   Frisco Zeke
Date: 	   07 Sep 2007, 12:52:42 PM
Subject:   Re: Another letter published

Good letter.

I was thumbing through Al Franken's new book.  I think he called it the
"Truth".  Surely he jests; it's his perspective primarily, with perhaps
a few truths.

The book explains why dirtyass Bush got in.  One factor he devotes a
chapter to is "Queers".  Now, diplomacy wouldn't use that hostile term.
How does he expect to make a point by alienating the potential reader
(?) It's true, the hypocritical religious groups are easily intimidated
by homophobia and will vote against anyone pro-gay.  And it's also true
that the Repugnants capitalized on this.

But silly old Al has his eye in the rear view mirror and head stuck
somewhat up his ass.

_________________________  _________________________  ________

From: 	   Frisco Zeke
To: 	   Philly John
Date: 	   07 Sep 2007, 03:50:47 PM
Subject:   Re: Another letter published

John writes:

| Good letter.

Thanks! It's one of my more hilarious pieces, albeit rich with
revelation and subliminal messages.  :b

Can't wait to show it to some of my buddies at The Eagle Tavern,
tomorrow. BTW John, I suddenly have a GROWING following that seemed to
have started about two weeks ago. So it won't be much longer before some
of them provide me with a decent home among friends and boyfriends...as
well as everything else I've envisioned about my destiny some years
back. This will include the publication in many forms, of my Faggot
Bible. Life is good! (Finally.)

| I was thumbing through Al Franken's new book.  I think he called 
| it the "Truth".  Surely he jests; it's his perspective primarily, 
| with perhaps a few truths.

Sounds like a waste of money. Then again, Franken is a waste of a soul.

| The book explains why dirtyass Bush got in.  One factor he devotes 
| a chapter to is "Queers".  Now, diplomacy wouldn't use that hostile 
| term. 

Benefit of the doubt here? "Queer" became an acceptible alternative to
LGBT or homosexual, back in the 90's. Nonetheless, such an expression is
ONLY acceptable WITHIN our queer family. Just like the word "nigger" has
become for blacks. So I'd say your critique is spot on.

Now, sit down and hold onto the chair, before you read on. Take a relaxing
breath, get up and stretch...fix yourself a cuppa, or even a snack...then 
return to my message here:

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.



| But silly old Al has his eye in the rear view mirror and head 
| stuck somewhat up his ass.

Yes, and it's so much fun to witness his demise. Bemusedly, this Good
News is coming from your hand! I don't know if I told you but, during
the time I was working for the Dems to promote Kerry, I got to meet
asshat in person, and even converse.

It was at a benefit banquet where I received a free ticket for all my
hard work. I was SO tickled pink. So I show up, and there's Al after his
performance, chatting with local Dem bigwigs circled around him. I
waited till they dissolved, then approached and shook hands.

I told him how much Saturday Night Live meant to me, back in the early
days. The laughter it provided helped me pull through my many years
bout with anxiety attacks and depression. And I'll always be grateful
for that.

Then I offered him a token gift in the form of one of my political
buttons that I figured he'd get a kick out of. The one that shows a
burning flag in the background (faded), with bold letters that proclaim:
"Burn flags, not fags."

The moment he looked at it, he pressed it back into my hand and said:
"Oh, I couldn't wear something like that. I don't espouse such ideas."
He seemed quite angry at me, and obviously wanted me out of his face. I
replied, "I had no idea, else I wouldn't have bothered." And walked
away, incredibly bemused.

The nerve of that fart...he does risky political humor all the time. Nor
did I ever expect him to wear my button. It was a GIFT that he might
keep in a drawer with other trinkets.

Foolish me: I thought he'd crack up and say something like: "This is
charming, I love it!" And I EXPECTED him to pocket it, rather than pin
it on...as no way did I give one single thought towards self promotion
via his fame. Jeez!

What an INSULTING dipwad. Likely, my being the ONLY male not clothed in
a 3-piece, he was predisposed to snub me. Can you say "shallow"?

So yes, I am DELIGHTED you informed me of his crappy latest book. This
is happening now because God ALWAYS lets fools have enough rope to hang
themselves...and it's his time. God makes them stupider and stupider, so
they cannot even reflect on their own ugliness, wrongs, and other
assorted evils. Buddha said it well:

"A fool is happy Until his mischief turns against him. And a good man
may suffer Until his goodness flowers." (The Dhammapada)

There is ANOTHER famous person whose comeuppance is soon due, because
I've been waiting YEARS to see the bitch unravel. That's right, it's
female! Wanna guess before scrolling any further? Take a relaxing
breath, get up and stretch...fix yourself a cuppa, or even a
snack...then return to my message here:

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Diane Feinstein. And do you know why? Wanna guess before scrolling any
further? Take a relaxing breath, get up and stretch...fix yourself a
cuppa, or even a snack...then return to my message here:

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She was mayor during my Randolph's 40-day fast. He had become quite
the celebrity as a result...and many people stood with him, and many
others stood against. Jewish Amerikan Princess Diane denounced
Randolph's fast, declared it an act of violence that she could NEVER
support.


Hey, what if Al and Diane boink each other? They'd have a baby
Frankenstein!

(Stillborn of course, like their conscience.)

Thank you once more, for delivering to me from your judicious hands,
exemplary proof of God's Justice. (I've been meaning to blog-post my
"FrankenTale of Woe" for quite some time now. I guess that time has
arrived!) 

Zeke

_________________________  _________________________  ________

Well, they were so successful with AIDS, why shouldn't human experimentation expand? After all: such an EXCESS of people, and so much NEED for science. Uncle Sam sees queers as nothing more than fodder for medical experimentation...thanks to the overwhelming homophobia STILL so ubiquitous in our pathetic society, including among our most "liberal" and "progressive" groups. They like to pat us on the back, make us THINK they're doing SO MUCH MORE for gay rights than ever before...and we have truly GOOD friends in them now, in these enlightened days.

DON'T FALL FOR IT! Beware of The Crocodile's Smile. For the REAL TRUTH about many of them, is this: They are SOCIAL ENGINEERING BROWN SHIRTS.

WAKE UP PEOPLES! More and more experiments are being done on OTHER minorities, and women. Game over wo/man! Either take up your mantle of the Golden Rule, or be gone. And it STARTS by treating gay people with RESPECT.

ALL the goodness and badness that has been generated by the human race, is now amassing into one giant orb of karma...the Big Payback has begun! Homo sapiens is about to take a huge, evolutionary leap...but not without first CLEANSING its sins of history. The TRUE BLOODLINE is more likely found in the gutters of Paris, than within any HUMAN flesh.

Among many other good things, this suggests (very STRONGLY, I might add) the utter LIBERATION of sexual minorities. ALSO suggested, is that any minority--no matter how long suffering--will NEVER gain liberation, until they finally BEGIN to respect their own queer siblings. They should therefore EXPECT to be simple lab rats for the advancement of eugenics and vivisection, on behalf of The Neonazi Overlords & White Aryan Confederations. Until they learn to respect their gay brothers/sisters, they shall never be far from The Furor's scalpel. (You can even be black as The Ace's Spade...still, NO EXCEPTIONS!)

It has often been denied even within gay newsgroups, that homosexuals were actually the FIRST group to be targeted by the Original Nazis. While I suffered this ignorance for some years, I knew I'd eventually be vindicated. Access to the truth of this matter, lay buried in the centuries old tradition of anti-gay repression...so I therefore lay helpless, bleeding on the battlefield, since no library or similar outlet possessed evidential records. Fortunately, since those dark years of my life, evidence has begun to emerge from obscure, forgotten records...records usually discovered among the inherited droppings of a recently deceased Gestapo party member. It is now considered common knowledge (at least, among the educated), that gays were first targeted, because of their new vulnerability (visibility): they had become the weakest plank of the Weimar Republic's foundation. Gays were the lamb's jugular to the Nazi wolf. The Nazi Party's first mission was to denounce the Weimar Rule as a poison to Aryan-Germanic Family Values, due to their blasphemous support of homosexuals.

Goddess will soon STOP this mass/global experimentation/torture upon gays that first began with dissemination of HIV via the Hepatitis B testing way back in the mid 70's. But it will be stopped in such a way that all EVIDENCE will be secure, to PROVE the wicked intent of gov't, industry, the military, churches/temples/mosques, etc. Those who declare that gays deserve their outcome as subhuman guinea pigs since homosexuality is the Ultimate Perversion & Crime (more, much more, than even raping a woman or little girl, then bludgeoning her to death after a prolonged scene of horror)...will simply disappear. I don't know HOW they will be disappeared by Goddess. Perhaps in a sort of Satanic Rapture? Just kiddin'. :b

Maybe they'll remain alive, but just kept from doing harm. But what good would that do? Would you even want one to wipe your ass? Would they actually serve some purpose, no matter how trivial?

Ahhh, questions only eternity will answer...and surely not this humble servant of Lucifer.

Sinqueerly,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin
The Little Queer Vegan Vampire

PS: Godwin's Law be damned!