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Capture Her Bazongas!
12.29.04 (7:26 pm)   [edit]

Now, see? That's exactly what I mean about you heterocentric cavemen! Using the female form to sell any product whatsoever, under the Sun and Even Elsewhere. This is a perverted way to think of Our Fairer Sex (whether straight or queer), 51% of our species Homo Sapiens...that is: The Not-So-Silent-Anymore Majority! These ads encourage a most ugly image of all women--every single female on the planet including generations as yet unborn--as whores, prostitutes for Amerikan Kapitalistic Dogma.

Now just look at that floozy advertisement: which a few frames I managed to grab off the Maximumedge (webmail) logout page. The actual ad is probably 10 or more different frames. (I first attempted to download it with the usual r-click, but alas it failed.)

Here we have your stereotype blonde bimbo, flashing her breasts up and down in a most voluptuous manner, while a dirty old man's hand grabs hopefully at the Treasure Chest. The heart icon itself is simply a distraction to trick you into perceiving the ad as "innocent". Or, more than likely, to give you the perfect excuse should you be questioned as to why you were smiling at the Cyber Siren. And should anyone really challenge you, you'd simply say: "Oh you're making too much of this!"

What gives it away for me, is that hand. Not a young man's hand by any means. Nope, it's not even a hand possessing flesh. It is the hand of a skeleton. It may even be the hand of the Grim Reaper Himself! (Probably isn't, but it may as well be, when one considers the karmic implications of this bitty bawdy babolicious blinking booby banner. Someone must have sold his soul to come up with such an ad. Indeed! They're a penny a dozen.)

But is this not morally corrupt to regard any human being as solely (or most importantly) as a sex object? It would seem such objectification in a hard-core commercialized society (as Amerika has become), gives major influence towards male inspiration to intimidate, terrorize, bash, and rape, Our Better Half, The Feminine Majority.

This is beyond bad taste. This is brutal.

This is my gift for the New Year: My Salute To Women's Suffrage and Lesbian Pride.

(Click on the misogynistic animation above to go to a much better place.)
Letter From Paul
12.27.04 (10:33 pm)   [edit]

Subject: I Wanna Be A Writer For The Best Queer Newspaper This Side Of Anti-Matter!
12.23.04 (12:06 am)   [edit]
Pplz: I just e-mailed the following application to write for a local LGBT newspaper. In their latest issue (last Thursday) they had a short article on page 3, advertising for new columnists and reporters. This was in the same edition, mind you, where they also printed my letter to the editor, "Gay Marriage By Any Other Name". Opportunity knocks, eh?

--begin application:

Subject: I Wanna Be A Writer For The Best Queer Newspaper This Side Of Anti-Matter!
Date: December 23, 2004

Dear "SF Bay Times" ,

I'm applying to your newspaper, the SF Bay Times, to be a regular or occasional queer columnist. I'm a veteran of the Gay Rights movement, having been an activist since 1973, which also marks my arrival to Gay Mecca. Being I'm the underground counter-culture type--the real McCoy in fact--means you've likely not heard of me, since I evade the news as much as the news evades me. But I've been a powerful, if gentle and mostly-invisible, force here in The Castro since at least 1983.

In the last seven years, the Internet has gained most of my creative attentions, which you may see for yourself by visiting my fantabulous website:


Which home page includes the same essay your paper just published last Thursday as a letter to the editor (pg. 12), entitled: "Gay Marriage By Any Other Name". But after I sent it, I ran through it once more to achieve a final polish. You will find it at the end of this message, with this special treat: some added e-mail conversation with a heterosexual Howard-Dean activist! (Or is it Dean-Howard? Deze guys wid two foyst names drive me up-a-wall! Jeez!) Otherwise, examples of my writing can be found on my home page, under section "13 Letters From 13 Angels". These compose my most recent or best pieces. Two more places on my site that feature my writings are:

Poems, Tales, Letters & Essays


True Tales From The Castro (eat your heart out, armistead)

You will find a punctuational peculiarity to all my pieces: I enclose quote marks within punctuation, and not the other way around. But I assure you, do not quiver: I am ready to go the conventional grammatical route in order to spare proofreaders any needless misery. I've worked on newspapers in my salad days, through high school and college (1964-1972). I'm presently 54 yrs. of age, if you must know.

I am timely; I'm unique; I'm original. I'm a thought provoking, shit-stirring, rabble-rousing one-man package of QUEER PRIDE...RARRRRRGH!

My current writing is featured on my "zekeblog" these days. This should give you an idea of the types of articles I enjoy writing: rather eclectic yet still very much the outlaw. I don't do leather, I don't do drag, I don't do Castro. I don't club, I don't booze it up...and yet I've been one of the most devoted, courageous and underrated Gay Activists to ever exist (can you say "Curse Of Cassandra?"). Essentially, I'm a philosopher and sociologist on Sexual Minorities And Subcultural Manifestation, through my own observations and studies...having been grounded in the School of Anthropology at the University of Missouri (Columbia). Many of my pieces (both written and spoken) teach the spiritual wisdom I've gained as a gay male, through a witty filter. Topics can range from the immediately local:

Suck My Big Fat Dick, Hetero Counterculture

to the national:

Hetero Shame Week

to the global:

!!! Gay Ghost Online Censorship Rages On !!! (from my blog)
tblog.com/templates/index.php?bid=ezekielk&static=1 93309

to the universal:

Who Was The First Christ?

and finally, to the fantastical:

Jesus On The Okra Winfree Show

So it's about time I have my own column, don't you think? I already have a name for it: "gay-bible.org" (in a fat font). But since I'd sell my mother's own soul for a column, I won't obsess over the title or other trivial concerns (such as moolah or Mary Jane). In fact, I've just completed my first article for your sterling newspaper! Wanna see it? Just ask!

You might also like to know that I do queer storytelling and comedy at 3-Dollar Bill Cafe mainly, when they have open-mic. I also do Magnet and am looking around for more 5-minute "quickies" outside of the Castro. So you might realize I have other talents to rely on (should you foolishly turn me down) hear some of my recorded skits at the following URL:


Thanks for your attention.

Oh, and I've been running for First Gay US President, since Y2K. If you visit the Astral Plane often, you already know this. But just in case you don't (and I mean nothing personal by this) read my platform here:

Zeke for Prez = Gay Liberation

It needs polishing...but isn't that where the rest of Our Queer Family steps in? And don't you just LOVE being the first LGBT newspaper (hell: the FIRST newspaper ever, and that includes the hetero mainstream) to spread the Good News?

Sleep on it. And if you can't sleep, call me: 666-6666.


Ezekiel J. Krahlin

Jehovah's Queer Witness (Zeke Krahlin) - Shamanic Story Teller & Trickster
"Accepts blow jobs by loyal fans...for me to poop on!" -Tryoomph

Thank you again, SF Bay Times! If you don't really want me, I understand. You can still look forward to my letters to the editor...however I'm afraid they'll show up in the mail batch like doves with broken wings, through no fault of my own, since I'm blameless. :b

--end of application

Do Not Fear The New-Oh-Sphere
12.20.04 (8:14 pm)   [edit]
Man's philosophies are now duking it out in the Noosphere...for
we all know by now, that any idea that does not get included, is
an idea lost forever. It is, in a sense, the erasure of most of
the Akashic Record, in order to start "anew". Or as Xians might
call it: "born again"...only this time on a cosmic level, as
well. Is this fair? Should past knowledge be completely removed
FOREVER, as the price to pay for a new life...for immortality,
even? Think about it: would you exchange most of your past
memories in order to live an immortal life of joy and adventure?
(Oh why do I think of that phrase, "Ignorance is bliss" right at
this moment?)

It is a similar quandary to Shakespeare's most infamous phrase:
"To be or not to be". For if one sacrifices enough of one's
memory, does that not qualify as secession of consciousness...at
which point, ressurection would be the equivalent of a totally
new--thus different (thus not "you" any more)--sentient being?

It is perhaps good at this moment, to tell Tom Cahill how much I
appreciate his comparing me to The Hundredth Monkey, regarding
my call to Randolph. I've always held onto that most happy of
all presents: The Gift Of Optimism! Believe me when I say
there's plenty of space in my intellectual attic of most
positively influential people in my life. You are of course, one
such person, and--though part of a very tiny clique--are a jewel
in This Crown Of Wisdom I humbly adorn. Now, don't let your ego
step in the way with such silly questions like, "Diamond or
emerald? Sapphire or glass? How many facets? Is this Elf
Magicke?" It is time to let go of them, Thomas...let go and chug
down a glass of Mendocino goat milk (which you can afford to buy
a quart of, twice or thrice per month; and would be very
beneficial in damp weather).

For you have ARRIVED!

"Where?" you might ponder, "Where HAVE I actually arrived, Zeke"
And I shall respond (not without a hint of sadism adding a
delicate trill to my voice):

"Aha! That is not my department. I have no idea, either, but I
don't obsess over it, honey. Let's just make the best of this
plastic art we call Life, and see who becomes a True Sculptor!"

So my personal dreams are met, as are yours...and of course those
who all have this or that aspect of World Peace in common. So
not only will I sculpt Randolph's return to my side, but great
victories for all Good Folks everywhere, leading to a world of
utter respect, harmony, joy, adventure, and gay, gay, gay, gay,
gay, gay SEX! Yes, I know Heaven's Sexual Mansion won't suit
MANY who've earned it, but gee...this is how a Queer Reality
Hacker (a "Quacktivist") such as "moi" has a little fun on the

So our jobs are done, good buddy! All we need to keep doing is
learning bit by bit how to destress off this PTSD. Just learn to
relax a little more each day. It is all too easy to forget that
sometimes--just sometimes, if you're real lucky--an easy answer
IS the best answer. While modern life is indeed complex, this
still does not mean that ALL truths must now be complex. But is
it true this time? Ahhh, always something for this Lone Elf to
worry on! We are the bedraggled veterans of a long, long war;
only now coming off the battlefield for some badly-needed

We are the first! We are the vanguards! We stood up to Evil long
before anyone else did, or even realized it for what it was!
(And it's name is "Hompohobia: Author Of All Wars And Man's
Inhumanity To Man".) And that shall NOT be forgotten by
humanity, ever...in fact, it will be CELEBRATED EVERY
YEAR...from December 30th to January 16th (the former date being
Randolph Taylor's birthday, the latter being the day he shot
himself in 1985, and survived).

Yes, Tom, we simply need to kick back and savor the vision of our
labors bearing fruit. For you, and for all admirers of Randolph
Taylor and others like him, this Yuletide poem:


by Ezekiel J. Krahlin

Please God, don't let Christmas come
Without my Randolph Taylor.
My quest is still a painful one:
Adrift at sea, a lonesome sailor.

I can't believe that he is dead,
His soul bound to the quilt.
(Oh can't this be another man,
Same name, in glitter gilt?)

How many years I've walked this path
Of love's devotion on the cross,
Only to echo The Devil's laugh:
"You lost, you lost, you lost!"

I pray, I guess, for miracles,
Each breath a sacred wish:
My heart a candle in the dark,
Or in the deep blue ocean, a single
golden fish!

Glub, glub!

"Please help me stop the dying," was
Randolph's tender plea,
Scrolled across a letter: the first
he sent to me.
But now my sadness falls like rain,
And drowns my joy like a broken toy.
I cannot bear this pain.

I cannot bear not knowing
How you, dear Randolph, are.
(My heart forever glowing, whether
near or far
For a man who gave me everything
And set my course to a star!)

Without you, my dear Randolph,
I have no way to steer.
The waves are crashing 'gainst the prow;
The clouds are tumbling near!

I yearn for you my chipmunk,
My little piece of Heaven.
If my soul were a loaf of bread,
Your kiss would be the leaven.

My prayer was answered!

Quilt display in San Francisco's
City Hall, November 1992
(Honoring S.F. police who died of AIDS.)

Dear Aunt Terry
12.13.04 (8:32 pm)   [edit]

December 13, 2004

Dear Aunt Terry,

Thank you for the Christmas Card and the $20 (which I'm using to have a couple nice dinners out; so thanks very much)! Enclosed is the perfected essay, "Gay Marriage By Any Other Name", which I consider will become a most important document. It encourages secession as a final measure to disassociate one's people from our present Republican government (assuming our demands will be denied; and if denied it then becomes interpreted as a declaration of war; in this case civil war).

But I have added a juicy followup to my remarkable essay, that you'll enjoy so much more, the implications of rejecting my proposal by the Howard Dean gang of pseudo-liberals, who now call themselves "Democracy for America". Well, as I see it, Prez Bush and henchmen have gone absolutely bonkers/berzerk and are the living ghosts of Hitler et al! But what has become of this, this THING to which we still attach the title "Democratic Party"?

We must have non-partisan organizing with gay marriage equality the central impetus. As long as each political cell forms with gay marriage at its center, then the cell will thrive...and be a successful link in the underground network of today's Allied Queer Resistance. If on the other hand they do not give core respect to gay marriage, those cells will quickly corrupt and die off. But let it be known that a successful cell can nonetheless choose to disband at any moment, even without any apparant threat the reason. There is a failsafe routine built into this proposal, which makes it impossible to be used as a weapon to turn against us...and any homophobe who tries, shall be sorely grieving.

Many who voted Republican are coming to regret their choice: truly an American Tragedy in the making! But it is certainly not too late for former Bush-supporters to join our counter-revolution to usurp this most dangerous despot who stole not just one, but TWO presidential elections! And if you think allowing homosexuals to be persecuted will distract the lizards from coming to get YOU and YOUR FAMILY next, you're in for a VERY RUDE awakening. As long as any person or group devotes him or itself to defending gay marriage, they will remain protected from persecution by these Overlords of Satan. But the moment one plays the anti-queer shtick in any way, shape or form, Gestapo War Dogs will sniff you out IMMEDIATELY, and you shall be ravaged in their blood sport!

For we have both Evil and Justice working together for a change. And whatsoever you do to a gay person shall also be done unto you. And this includes not ever addressing the issue, nor thinking about the issue, nor speaking about the issue, nor contributing to the issue with money and volunteering.While gays are perceived for a while longer as the hapless scapegoat for HeteroAmerican Society, many will gloat in perverted satisfaction, believing homosexuals to be dead meat (or living experimental subjects for the betterment of Das Homeland. Heil Amerika, thou terrifier and murderer of your sexual minorities! Come and get us if you can, for we have a trick up our sleeve, that you'll never guess!)

Shun anyone who is against gay marriage...that is the mark of a Nazi (as is the wearing of a Christian icon such as a cross or fish). Don't accept anything less, such as "civil union"...that's just a trap. If you have any gay friends in your neighborhood (especially ones that are home owners), don't be surprised if they've suddenly been "disappeared"...and their homes and property given to the service of Das Homeland. That is the Nazis working covertly, while redneck Amerika looks the other way. If you can help your gay friends go underground, then by all means do so! But remember that harboring a queer is just as risky as was harboring a Jew, in the last Holocaust. So be cleaver as a whip...which you shall be, as long as you have the good sense to care about gay people. That is the secret...a secret which one could never fake.

Gay Marriage By Any Other Name (part 2)
12.09.04 (7:47 pm)   [edit]
Setting the mood for this day's blog...

Date: Thu, 09 Dec 2004 09:42:40 -0800
From: Wont Western
To: jqueerwit@gay-bible.gro, 4democracystephanie@yahoo .com, identpres@sf4democracy.com
Subject: Re: Here's my first draft (Zeke)

Hi Zeke,

Thanks for sending that along. While personally I agree with some of what
you wrote, unfortunately, it needs considerable editing before I would
consider sending it to the press on behalf of the organization.

First and foremost, San Francisco for Democracy is not in the practice of
adopting or publishing positions on any one particular issue. Declaring
that we are 100% in support of gay marriage - when it has never been
discussed or voted upon by our membership - is simply not a valid
statement. If you want the organization to adopt this position, you'll
need to a) join as a member; b) bring it up to be voted upon at a
membership meeting. (We have previously decided on several occasions not
to adopt policy positions on issues such as housing and the hotel strike -
rather, we make information and activism opportunities available to our
members so they can personally get involved in these issues.)

Second, the piece has an overwhelmingly negative tone. It bashes Democrats
left and right, many of whom our members feel neutral or positive about
(such as Barney Frank and Bill Clinton). Our organization is not likely to
suddenly go from endorsing John Kerry to "decrying" him over one particular

Also, for something like this to get published, it needs to be a) a lot
shorter, and b) in response to something printed in a particular paper.

Finally, we're actually an independent 501c4 organization, not a chapter of
Democracy for America. You might want to check out the FAQ on our website
- sf4democracy.com/main/faqs.asp - which explains that distinction.

- Wont

Date: Thu, 9 Dec 2004 21:54:40 -0800
From: Jehovah's Queer Witness
To: Wont Western
Subject: Re: Here's my first draft (Zeke)

Quoting Wont Western :

Thanks for sending that along. While personally I agree with some of what you wrote, unfortunately, it needs considerable editing before I would consider sending it to the press on behalf of the organization.

What can I say? I had a FABulous time composing it, A verycreative force that triggered insomnia--as it usually does. I only write truth...if it seems harsh to you, I suggest you compare this to the harshness of real homophobia that breathes down our queer backs every single moment...and we are being targeted big time by politico bigwigs...on all parts of the spectrum, which includes of course Democrats.

And if it still seems harsh, then perhaps you ought to consider your own blinders, and willfull ignorance of a most heinous and growing oppression.

I am so ashamed of you.

But hey, if ya don't like it, ya don't like it! And I'm NOT going to try to intrude my timely opinions in a mound of homophobic resistance. I'm not even gonna bother coming back, or participate in any way, with Democracy for America...which really should be called "Demokracy fer Amerika (except for the faggots)."

What is sorely needed is a political movement that is both vigorous and positive about gay people. Duh! How bad does it have to get for us fags, for you to roll up your sleeves and help us beat back the Beast?

I have made my presence known to various groups around The City. You know where I am, so if you ever need my help, just say the word. I'm sure you will; I'm sure you will. But it will come with a great price of sorrow. That is what happens to "good" folk who persist in allowing great evil to have its way, even after becoming fully conscious of its actions.

Wow! Wow! Wow! This is hilarious. I think I'll incorporate this badinage in tommorow night's open mic. I'll have the audience falling off their chairs in laughter. Why don't you show up, and bring a friend or two? 8pm, 3 Dollar Bill Cafe (in the LGBT Center; or do you shun setting your breeder foot in there?), 1800 Market St. (& Octavia). $1-5 donation requested to support the Cafe, but if you're broke, no problem, we understand.

Woof! Too many hetero dogs in the way, between me and My Biscuit!

"Many are called but few are chosen;
Step right up for your lederhosen."
- Big Gay Brother [ gay-bible.org ]

--finis (for now)
Gay Marriage By Any Other Name
12.09.04 (12:30 am)   [edit]
Gay Marriage By Any Other Name
Letter to the Pharisees

(c) 2004 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin

December 9, 2004

Dear Editor,

WE THE PEOPLE FOR A SANE WORLD officially declare 100% support for gay marriage, as a civil right and a birthright. Those religious institutions that condemn such partnerships are in flagrant violation of the US Constitution's first amendment, which states: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion." Furthermore, said institutions often encourage attitudes of hatred and promotion of violence against sexual minorities in many other ways, and have a long history of such. And these "godly" organizations remain, as they have for untold centuries, the major and sole cause of virulent homophobia.

Amerika would not tolerate such ugly behavior by a religious group towards any other minority, in our modern day. And it is one important tenet of so-called activist judges, to protect a minority from the tyranny of the majority. Especially when such a minority is more universally hated than any other; as are homosexuals, transsexuals and bisexuals. In fact, as oppressed as many minorities remain, most still cling to backward and hateful notions against even their own non-hetero brethren.

The issue of gay marriage has become a glaring example of dangers that arise when church matters are not kept separate from those of the state. Indeed, it has become The Great Test Of Today's Amerika regarding the issue of individual rights versus majority prejudice. And if we keep moving in that sorry direction much longer, we are likely to see a full-blown holocaust against these long-suffering people.

But progressives of all stripes must also share considerable shame, for sometimes participating in homophobic actions (at worst), or looking the other way too often (at best). To rectify this, we stand with other responsible liberals and moderates, who take up the cause of gay equality starting with marriage, in brave and aggressive manners. Even some churches are finally joining in, thus answering to their savior's message of compassion. I hope this will mark a sea-change in attitude regarding our sexual minorities.

We stand with good folks like Assemblyman Mark Leno, with good organizations like Marriage Equality California, and with good media venues like Air Amerika (and KGO) Radio We demand an apology from politicians such as:

We also acknowledge that none of these four examples are Republicans; in fact they are all regarded as staunch Democrats. (Centrists have thus proven themselves to be Republican wolves in Donkey hide.)

All truly progressive people will not tolerate any more homophobia from our own liberal groups and representatives, and must therefore, if need be, not just condemn but separate ourselves from those who continue to harbor anti-gay attitudes. We must be as clear, as strong, and as steadfast regarding gay marriage, as we have been these many years against racism, misogyny, child abuse, capital punishment, and preemptive declarations of war. For it has become all too obvious that condemnation of gay marriage is a red herring to distract us from the real agenda: removal of all LGBT rights to mark them as second-class citizens in perpetuity. And then, the elimination of all rights for every other citizen, except a remnant of the power elite.

We will no longer tolerate frivolous and mean-sprited arguments questioning whether or not gays can marry, whether or not they deserve equal status as human beings, and whether or not they shall go to heaven. Such debates hold no validity in any civilized nation, as they are founded on a premise that is blatantly erroneous from the start, for it flies in the face of common sense and compassion. Nor shall we ever again engage any discussion over partnerships termed and defined as something resembling marriage, but not ever equal to. In other words "separate and unequal." In short:

Marriage by any other name just doesn't cut the mustard.

Most sincerely,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin
Queer Voice in the Oscar-Wilderness

Hitler's Rhetoric and the Lure of "Moral Values"
12.07.04 (10:59 am)   [edit]
Please read the following excellent article, to which this blog refers:

"God Is With Us": Hitler's Rhetoric and the Lure of "Moral Values" (by Maureen Farrell)

Revisionists have claimed that Hitler was not Christian or pro-Christian. Thus, fundamentalists like to blame secularism and paganism for the rise of Nazism. I've even met liberal Jews who think that Hitler did not use Christian dogma for his cruel agenda! In fact, Hitler used the tenets of Christianity to foment Nazi hegemony...just like our Prez Bush today!

The author of this article, Maureen Farrell, does a fine job of showing how Christian dogma was essential to the formation of Nazi power. And...she does an equally great job of showing how anti-gay sentiments are used by our Religious Reich to foment homophobia as a basis to weaken democracy. Kudos to Maureen, for not excluding the queer issue in confronting Republican Dogma!

It has been my stand for some time now, when a liberal describes minority grievances, s/he ought to include sexual minorities in the mix, or they are dangerous enemies to democracy. There is no excuse to exclude gays from the concern of those who are moderates and/or left-leaning in the political spectrum. One cannot simply write them off as "meaning to" include us queers...when they include phrases like "minority bashing" and "those whose rights are denied" and even "all others who are persecuted by the majority". We should never be apologists for this lack of respect to a severely villified group of citizens. If they can't spell it out or spit it out, words like "gay" and "homosexual", then I say beware!

A Different, Better Democratic Meetup
12.02.04 (6:40 pm)   [edit]

follow EZ_Krahlin at http://twitter.com

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May 26, 3:12 PM
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