!!! WARNING. ADULT MATERIAL !!!|
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Jesus On The Okra Winfree Show
I Can't Believe It's Not Beelzebub!
Jesus Christ returns to planet earth and, of course, He
is invited to a LOT of talk shows...in order for us to
understand better, what this man called Jesus is really all
about. So it is on the Okra Winfree Show He is asked the
"Jesus, what do YOU think was the most important advice
YOU ever received in Your lifetime as the Suffering Messiah?"
Jesus deliberates on this a few moments before answering:
"Well, Okra, I don't consider My incarnation as The Messiah
among the most relevant of My past-life experiences. Even so,
during that existence, I received so many excellent words of
wisdom, that I really CAN'T pick a favorite. But I'll tell
you this: I shall never forget the WORST piece of advice
ANYONE gave Me, in ANY of My multitudinous lives."
Okra Winfree leans forward in profound curiosity and
says: "Okay, Jesus, and what was that?"
Jesus finally answers: "Well, it was during my PRESENT
incarnation (as you now see Me), and it came from a
psychiatrist who once told Me: 'Jesus, You can't save the
Okra parries: "THAT revelation must have been quite a
SHOCKeroonie to the ol' ego there, buddy!"
"Too-SHAY, Okra," retorts Jesus, lighting a Camel Light
100 to soothe His jangled nerves, "too-SHAY."
"May-uh KOOL-pah, may-uh KOOL-pah," Okra chuckles, "It's
ALWAYS fun to play devil's advocate with You, Jesus."
"Fine with Me, Okra," grins Our Savior, "as long as YOU
don't mind an occasional DIP in the Lake Of Fire."
"Well, another BURNING question I have..." (audience
guffaws before Okra continues) "...regards the HUMAN side of
Jesus Christ: Besides tobacco, do you have any OTHER
Jesus blushes, and lowers His head. "Yes. One other.
Boys. In that way, I'm like My Daddy."
Suddenly, a voice booms out of nowhere:
"ALLAH THE OLD ARAB SAYS: I'D WALK A MILE FOR A CAMEL,
TWO FOR A SHEEP OR GOAT, AND THREE FOR A BOY. HA, HA!"
Okra Winfree raises her eyes to the ceiling and, slightly
disgruntled, challenges Our Holy Guest: "Can't you EVER get
Your Father to show up in person?"
Jesus shrugs His shoulders. "God knows I've been trying,
but He seems to take everything like one, big, fat joke. You
know, I can't even get HIM to see ME whenever I want!"
"Wait a minute," Okra grows serious, "You mean to tell me
You STILL can't be with Your Father?"
"Well, not quite," ponders The Son Of Man, "It's just
that He sees ME whenever He wants, but I don't get to see HIM
whenever I want. It's just not fair."
Okra drops a pensive arm from her chin and says, sadly,
"No, Jesus, that isn't fair at all."
"HEY JESUS, I GOT TWO FRONT-ROW TICKETS TO SEE 'JESUS
CHRIST SUPERSTUD' TONIGHT...WANNA GO?"
Our Man Of The Cross sighs and flips a rude finger to the
sky: "FUK you, Dad, just FUK you."
"OKAY, GUY, BE THAT WAY. I GOT PLENTY OF HOT CHERUBS WHO
ARE DYING FOR A DATE WITH BIG DICK!"
Okra, in raging fury, jumps onto her chair and waves an
angry fist at the ceiling: "God, don't You think You're going
a little too far? Think of Your Wonderful Son!"
"I ALWAYS THINK OF MY SON. LAST NIGHT WHEN I WAS HUMPING
LUCIFER, I THOUGHT OF MY SON: OH JESUS, OH JESUS, OH JESUS!"
"Don't talk to Him, Okra," grumbles Jesus, "just don't
talk to Him. It's the only way you'll get Him to leave us
alone." Hands shaking, Our Lord attempts to light another
cigarette, but drops the match book.
"HERE, JESUS, HAVE AN ARCHANGEL. I'M DONE WITH HIM FOR A
WHILE. MAYBE HE'LL GET YOU OFF THE RAGGIE."
Out of nowhere appears an incredibly gorgeous dude,
adorned in nothing more than a bulging gold lame' loin cloth
and these opalescent, feathery white wings stretching across
the entire breadth of the stage.
He alights by Jesus, who
caresses the firm, smooth butt of the archangel, then grabs
His Own Ample Crotch and says:
"Okra, I hate to break this off, but as you can see, it's
meant to stay on and be fondled."
And with those words, the archangel's fat crown pops its
head above the loin cloth. (Camera zooms in for a yummy
closeup. Audience drools in raptured silence, as a milky
substance dribbles from the crown and down the angel's spear.
When the camera regretfully pulls back, this glorious angel
tosses His luxurious mane of silver hair, and laughs):
"MEET BIG DICK. HAW, HAW!"
Then He lifts Jesus up, cradles Him in His massive arms,
and looks straight into the camera:
"I LOVE MY SON MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE.
LET'S GO, JESUS, YA GOT A DATE WITH ME, ALWAYS."
They vanish, leaving Okra Winfree behind, along with a
half-empty pack of Camel Light 100s lying on the floor.
Beside the empty chair.