From: Zeke
To: Thomas
Date: 25 Apr 2006
Subject: Re: S.F. Bay Times printed my mugging account!

Thomas writes:

I know that things like this can be traumatic.
Hope that you can heal,

Let's just say a lot of swords have been thrust into my heart. Of course I'll heal completely...and be a better person for that. Meanwhile, I break down and cry quite often each day...mainly because Larkin refuses to see or talk with me, since the mugging. But it's also because of the coldness of gay people to each other, and how even in the midst of my personal tragedy, no one is here for me.

Yet in the last week, different very attractive guys have approached me, to say or do something really nice. So I know this is an initiation to a higher level of consciousness. And of course Larkin loves me...he made that abundantly clear with all the little sweet things he's done for me well before my mugging.

Are you aware that these date-rape drugs are not just powerfully hypnotic...but are DEADLY in combination with alcohol, and/or can cause brain damage? I assume I'm outta the woods on BOTH, but not certain. Of course, I do NOT seek any medical help for this.

The kindness from others IS starting to come through. This has been quite a crossing-over, a very PAINFUL month (April), but certainly not without its beautiful moments.

Another example of this kindness, came from this VERY handsome guy who sat on my left, during dominoes. He's quite funny, and forceful. He said he'd snip off my nose if I make another bad move with a domino. I said, "Ain't gonna happen." Then he said he'll snip off my ear...and he started tugging on my left ear. I replied, "Nope. I have too noble a nose, and my ears too elfin." I think he's good friends with Larkin, as he behaved the same way to me, as Larkin does. His name is Dave...and I was hoping to hang out with him longer, but he left the game early and did not stop to talk with me.

Our queer community here, is witnessing my noble character and courage throughout...and I'll be back at Hole in the Wall in early May, and Larkin and I will be together once more.

Unless of course, he decides to ignore me further, and starts hanging out at aNOTHER bar. Which I am prepared to deal with in a civilized manner...though it's more a fear I'm dealing with. I told Larkin my PTSD sometimes manifests as fear of losing loved ones...because this is what REALLY has happened in my life, many times over, as part of what goes with being a street activist for my gay brothers.

Ergo, Larkin has decided to act as if I'll never see him again...as his way to help me grow OUT of that fear, and become even STRONGER. No one can get close to Larkin, unless he PROVES himself a very TOUGH guy (like him). And THAT is what I believe he's up to. Meanwhile, all his friends (and enemies) witness my behavior, and report back. Though I don't think they really need to, as Larkin is telepathic with me.

I don't understand all the pain I'm bearing, but I DO know it's not just for Larkin's sake, though he is the main sword in my heart. My transformation is also our community's transformation. And this trial is coming to a gentle close...whew!

I am ultimately wordless over this...and when I resume seeing Larkin, I don't think I'll be able to utter a word to him for some weeks. I won't give him the silent treatment, for he'll have all my attention whenever he wants. I just won't talk. I'll talk with anyone else, just not him. This is not in anger, but in dumbfoundedness, as well as his statement one day: "You talk too much for me, boyfriend," (and my reply: "And you don't talk enough for me." He stopped in reponse, and sighed, agreeing with my sorrow. Larkin DOES have great feelings for me; which makes me VERY proud.)

It's like after confessing my love to him, I'm suddenly tossed into a rocky, stormy sea...and to prove my love, must swim through treacherous waters, to find safe harbor somewhere, somehow...with Larkin on that shore. An Odyssey within an Odyssey. And I am Hercules sent on impossible missions to win.

I always win.

But let me ask you: Did you and your buddy go through any painful tests early on in your relationship? Tests that just manifest on their own, w/o either of you consciously instigating them? Was your love (and his) tested in various ways, say, for: jealousy, fidelity, patience, emotional stability, etc.?

Your cyber-buddy,
Zeke

April 12, 2006

Dear Hole in the Wall Saloon,

Just to let you know that I won't be back until May. I was mugged last Monday (Apr. 10), at an ATM, of $200. I forgive the person (who I met at Hole in the Wall)...he was not at all violent. I was just a sloppy inebriated, trusting fool. Though I can't imagine EVER telling someone my ATM account's PIN code, even when drunk. So I suspect it was more than alcohol in my glass that allowed him to not just ask for my code, but go home with me and count out the roll of 20's right before my eyes...while I seemed totally hypnotized and unaware of the crime unfolding. I remember beginning to undress, and that's all she wrote.

I woke up in my underwear, and he was gone. I then realized what happened, and canceled my ATM card for a new one. Now, I have just $175 for the rest of the month...I live on Social Security and nothing else. Thankfully, the culprit did leave my wallet with all ID in the hallway bathroom (I just live in a humble single unit here in The Castro). As an advocate and activist for my gay brothers on the streets (since 1973), I simply accept that such incidents go with the territory. (I also consider myself a prophet and visionary for our Queer Family, in the Pagan/Shamanic tradition.) However, this was the first time I've EVER been mugged with (or w/o) a probable date-rape drug.

Jerry (bartender) saw me play pool and leave with him some time after midnight. His name is (supposedly) Michael: short in height (approx. 5'5"), Caucasian, handsome, short-cut wavy black hair with thick eyebrows and moustache. We played a round of pool. Please be clear: I forgive Michael...and hope that my fair-mindedness will put him through some good changes. I'd STILL like to play pool with him, etc.

I also consider the folks at Hole in the Wall blameless for this stupid incident. Nonetheless, I had just spent a lot of money Fri. and Sun. nights to show a bunch of people a good time (including yourself, Larkin). And it was GREAT! (Except that the $60 worth of marijuana I purchased on the street for $40--and which I joyfully shared with EVERYONE there--turned out to be some other cheap and ineffective herb. Boy do I have the luck!)

But between that expense, and my ATM-theft, it is now impossible for me to afford going ANYWHERE, except to a grocery store, that I may have food for the rest of the month. (I'm trying to get some kind of part-time under the counter job, that I may afford regularly, the expense of going out to the SOMA bars each day/night. So maybe I'll get lucky really fast.)

Also, I have learned one of life's great lessons many years ago, during my struggle to save the life of a Vietnam Veteran (Randolph Taylor), who had shot himself in a botched suicide attempt: What appears to be misfortune can turn into a great blessing, if one just takes a deep breath and holds on tight. As Randolph used to say: "Keep the faith".

This note is to avert anyone wondering or worrying about me...or thinking I'm pulling a "Let's see if Larkin calls me" game. I've been having a wonderful time there, and will miss everyone's company for the duration. I look at it this way: so many others there are going through much more difficult crises than my non-violent mugging. And you, Larkin, put a LOT of smiles on a lot of faces, and are a wonderful protector of the innocent. Congratulations for being such an excellent guy.

Your beloved amigo,

Zeke

--
Lavender-Velvet Revolution
http://www.gay-bible.org

UPDATE

The S.F. Bay Times finally printed the account of my mugging IN FULL (no editing, no deletion)! This is truly a VICTORY. (I e-mailed it a SECOND time, never dreaming they'd really publish it; but dammit I'm OUTraged.) Read it here. (Scroll down a bit; it's the 2nd letter.)

This lovely shirt was presented to me by a bodacious cowboy at Hole in the Wall Saloon, this past weekend. His name is Anthony, and is certainly one of the most handsome and beautiful men I've ever met. (And Hole in the Wall has them in spades.) As I walked towards him across the barroom floor, he looked directly at me, and signaled to come over.

At 6-foot 3 and gorgeously muscled everywhere, I fit easily and wonderfully in his excellent arms! Gazing straight into those blue-green bedroom eyes I spoke my first words: "Say, you sure are a tall drink of water...or is that half-and-half?"

Anthony ordered me to lick his boots; my tongue was all over his Durangos in a flash. Then he pulled me back up against his powerful chest. I kissed that noble face, with many delicious, slobbering licks. Testosterone never tasted so good!

Later that eve, he noticed my mossy green T-shirt with Aboriginal dream-time petroglyphs. Which shirt is very special to me, as it was given by a homeless buddy, Woody, who has suffered cruelty by ugly folks, for so many years. Ecstatically, he is finally rising above this, and finding great joy in life. I am honored to be such a positive influence for him. Obviously, Anthony must also be quite a special guy, to desire that shirt so passionately (read on).

"Wow, I want that shirt; let's trade!" In a flash, his own shirt was off, displaying a stunning chest and torso. Then mine was off, and--voila!--the fine scent of his body graced my own, thanks to that remarkable shirt he bestowed upon my trembling self.

The slogan on that shirt, "Almost Famous," certainly reflects my present circumstance. I'm a local, rising celebrity throughout the Queer Community. I am a prophet. I am a visionary. I am the Dream Cum True for Gay Liberation. (No false humility here!) My fame will soon ripple across the nation, and around the globe.

Until then, I'll keep my shirt on. (Actually, I don't ever want to take it off!)

Note: Neither Anthony nor any other gorgeous man will EVER compare to my complete and utter adoration, admiration, respect, and affection that I have for Larkin, my beloved amigo.