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and that it remain intact and complete, including title and 
credit to the original author.

Ezekiel J. Krahlin



© 2002 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin

UPDATE: On July 29, 2002 I posted the following message to
various queer, activist, military, christian, pagan, and
spiritual mailing lists and newsgroups:

---begin message:

From: Ezekiel Krahlin
Mon, 29 Jul 2002
Subject: 2004 just around the corner! Zeke for Prez!

As some may already know, I ran for President of the U.S. in
the last election, as a joke. Of course it was unofficial, and
I did toss my hat in the ring just a couple months before the
phony election ensued. But it just occurred to me that if I
run for President this time, I'll have plenty of time to build
my platform.

I believe it is possible for me to officially run this time
around, if enough people in the LGBT family love the idea, and
handle all necessary strategies and resources to support this
project. I have complete faith in our community to go ahead
with this, without my being more than a qualified spokesperson
for our family. At least, this can keep the gay agenda in the
front burners of the oncoming electoral races. What fun, eh!
And who knows: maybe I WILL become president, when you
consider how pissed off so many Amerikans are these days, what
with Bush's running roughshod over everyone's liberties.

I already composed a statement of my platform two years ago,
and see no need to update it. Rather than hog up mailing lists
with a repost of the whole essay, here is the URL:

I have an amazing feeling that this is my destiny, our
destiny, and that those concerned already have set things up
to ease my transition from local and Internet activist, to
presidential candidate. I believe that some of us in the queer
community have been selected and groomed for leadership (over
many years) by other important collaborators in our
community...without our knowledge. And part of the challenge
towards achieving this goal, is for each of us so selected, to
FIGURE OUT the game. After all, if one is not clever enough to
figure this out on one's own, then one is not clever enough to
assume any position of leadership.

Perhaps it's just egomania, but I'm willing to cast myself to
the winds of fortune, and take that one, big chance. And say
to those other leaders and loyal patriots who cultivated my
activism in secret, even unbeknownst to yours truly: hey,
dudettes and dudes: I'm ready for the next step, and: thanks
from the bottom of my heart for all you have done for me, and
for our community, and for the world. You're all MARVELOUS!

Before asking me any questions, please read my essay first,
which answers a lot of them already (as I wrote it,
anticipating these queries). I may choose to answer any
questions by posting them on my website, rather than
participating directly in any mailing lists or newsgroups. If
I choose this method, a link to these questions and answers
will be clearly visible on my home page.

Blessed be; the fun has just begun!

Lavender-Velvet Revolution

---end of message


©2000 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin
(Jehovah's Queer Witness)

September 10, 2000

A couple days ago I proposed running for world's first Gay
President (as a lark), and posted it to various gay, activist,
and political newsgroups. To refresh your memory, here it is

---announcement for gay write-in presidential candidate:

Hello, I am a gay activist and homeless advocate first, and an
advocate for liberation of all oppressed people overall. The
choices for the upcoming Y2K presidential elections are
abominable, especially for gays. The *only way to win gay
equality in Amerika, is to have a bona fide *gay
president...not a "gay friendly" one, like Clinton, who (don't
forget), passed DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and DADT (Don't
Ask Don't Tell). These are two Federal legislations most
hurtful to the Gay Cause, by providing powerful leverage to
our homophobic enemies. And forget Ralph: he may have a great
record for consumer advocacy, but *zilch when it comes to gay
rights and other civil issues.

So write me in for President:

     Ezekiel J. Krahlin

At least, you'll be making a clear statement against the
intractable (and intrinsically homophobic) status quo. My
personal website at

will give you a good indication of where I stand on most
issues; that you may make an informed decision.

If you like my idea, feel free to disseminate this message
wherever and whenever. Word of mouth is still a powerful agent
for truth, justice and the Gay Cause.

---end of announcement

Since then, some have asked me to further describe my
platform: what I stand for on various issues, both gay and
non-gay. So, for the sake of creative exercise and fun
dialogue, I will do just that. Read on:


State of Emergency:
Immediately on my first day in office, I will declare a State
of Emergency across the entire nation for all our gay
citizens. I will establish Northern California as a safe haven
for gay refugees from our own country, as well as
install military outposts in every city, town and village,
dedicated to the protection and liberation of gay men and
women everywhere. Let this special branch of the Armed Forces
be named "The Blue Rose Militia". It is a terrible thing to
live in abject terror of harm to one's life, limb and liberty
in the very nation in which you were born and raised. Yet that
remains the case for the majority of our gay populace who
dwell not in the coziness of a major city--all of which have
become too expensive to move to, including "gay mecca"-- 
but across our land in small-town and rural Amerika. While most 
heteros happily live and breathe democracy, most gays outside of 
major cities continue to accommodate, chameleon-like, a de facto 
terrorist regime. They are our Silent Majority, for whom I struggle 
to give voice.

All churches and other public institutions that continue to
profess homosexuals as sinful (or evil in any other way) will
be regarded as dangerous cults, and be shut down. We would
not allow such slander against any other minority, yet 
shamefully we still excuse this hate speech when it comes to 
gay people. Our rights to free speech and assembly were 
never created  to protect slanderous agendas. I will allow 
Northern California to become its own quasi-independent nation, 
as an honorable 100-year experiment to create the world's first 
gay nation. Let this nation be named "Athenia", to symbolize 
wisdom, and to commemorate women's suffrage and lesbian dignity.

Pro-Gay Philosophy:
It is my belief that no other minority can further its rights
without finally incorporating their own gay constituents with
respect, and in solidarity. This includes African Americans,
whose majority of churches continue to preach homophobia of a
most virulent sort. (I suggest black gays and lesbians attend
such churches, and whenever a preacher begins to denounce
homosexuality, to shout her down as an act of political
dissent.) When we confront homophobia, we are confronting,
mainly, an aspect of machismo: violence against the meek, and
those perceived to be meek. As long as homophobia is permitted
in a society, its dark streak of hatred runs through
every group of people, and thus obstructs the
furtherance of the rights of all minorites, and of women.
Essentially, it is a karmic duty at this point in Amerika,
for all activists to drop any non-gay issues and focus only on
winning the rights for same-sex love. And it is also the
duty of all gay activists/volunteer workers, to cease
supporting the cause of any group that perpetrates gay hatred.
For example: if you are gay and Caucasian, and work for the
rights of African Amerikans, you should drop out now, with a
letter of explanation addressed to them, that you can no
longer in good faith support their efforts when they maintain
intrinsically homophobic attitudes. (If you still want to help
black folk, then focus on specifically gay black

The ascendance of Gay Equality will erase what remains of male
chauvanism and machismo, in a very natural, psychological and
evolutionary way. Then, and only then, will we witness the
unfolding of true brotherly (and sisterly) love. For in
fact, homosexuality is far more than a matter of is
rather the issue of affection or "agape", which is far more
evident among women friends, than among males. Once the Beast
of Homophobia has been conquered, the expressions of
compassion, and good works for all other oppressed people,
will move at a rapid pace. In a nutshell: liberation of
homosexuality is key to unlocking the doors of equality for
everyone. And that is my philosophy on which I build my
platform, and on which I will act as President.


I have discussed non-gay issues on Usenet. Feel free to
search for them, to learn more about my attitudes. I'm afraid,
however, that has temporarily wiped out all articles
previous to 1999...but they promise to put them back,
whenever. But there may be other services out there
that provide a complete Usenet history; I just haven't looked
into this. I have changed my e-mail addresses numerous times,
so you should search for each of these addresses, to get a
complete picture:

Of course, my last name, "Krahlin" is uncommon enough to
effectively track me down on any search engine. You can also
see that I support more than the gay issue, by visiting my
newest site:

        Zeke's Audio Interviews

Politicians Suck:
The last thing this country needs for a President is another
freakin' politician. I believe we should follow the example of
the Czech Republic's "Velvet Revolution", whose people elected
a writer, an artist, for their leader: Vaclav Havel. I therefore 
propose the "Lavender-Velvet Revolution"...and offer my 
creative ingenuity, fiery spirit, and intense devotion to my 
ideals...which in evey way are strictly in line with those
espoused by our Constitution and attending Bill of Rights...
and The Free Speech Movement (yes, I've inhaled many, many
times; and I still do, occassionaly). I will recruit the
brilliant resources of our gay community to handle the details
of "forming a more perfect union", by appointing them to the
highest positions of office across this nation. To put it
bluntly: I believe that our gay citizens can do a better job
of making this a great nation, than heteros have ever done. So
step aside (you've had your turn), and give us our Day In The
Sun...we promise to not disappoint!

My philosophy of compassion is to reach out first, to our most
neglected citizens, then the next-most-neglected, and so on.
The least fortunate, at this time, are gay men and women...who
know no sanctuary even in their own minority-identified
groups. For the most part, blacks hate their own gays, Asians
hate their own gays, Native Amerikans hate their own gays,
homeless people hate their own gays, poor people hate their
own gays, and on and on it goes. Of course, I will get rid of
unconstitutional anti-gay laws such as DOMA (Defense of
Marriage Act), DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell), and any remaining
Federal, state or local laws against sodomy, and any other
forms of discrimination against gays, regarding housing,
employment, and the right to live without fear of violence.

And once we bring all gay folk up to an equal status
with all other minorities, we will expand to cover the
following, non-gay issues:

     -Apologize to all gay people, then Native
      Amerikans, then all other minorities, as well as

     -Return 25% of our land to Native Amerikans.

     -True Separation of Church & State, including laws
      to protect the non-religious from the religious.

     -Expand the Peace Corp and reduce the military. Let
      the Peace Corp use our armies for emergency crash
      reparation of African and Latin (and other
      troubled) nations. Respect these cultures'
      differences; do not impose Amerikan dogma on them.
      Remove all military/political/corporate
      intervention from such nations, that thwarts their
      ability to democratize.

     -Guaranteed living wage for all, based on regional
      fluctuations of real value. Any jobs that don't
      pay a living wage, will be supplemented by gov't
      monies. Your living wage is guaranteed whether
      employed or not.

     -Guaranteed housing for all. No slums;
      quality housing. The formerly homeless can
      get paid to help maintain decent housing.

     -Quality universal health care (of course).

     -Provide funds for all volunteer work, that they
      may afford a living wage to those who gain
      fulfillment doing what they've been doing for
      free. Instead of welfare/workfare, clients can
      come to any Social Security center and select from
      a large list of volunteer work, and find
      meaningful labor, either in one field, or in a
      variety of fields. No one will be required to work
      more than 20 hours per week.

     -Create a leisure society where more and more
      people can pursue their own happiness: in the
      arts, sports, science, theater, counseling,
      travel, etc. All menial and/or unpleasant labor
      will be dignified with a superior salary and
      benefits, as long as humans need to perform such

     -Close major loopholes of corporations, that they
      may pay their fair share in taxes. Such tax monies
      will be used to support all my proposals.
      Eventually, eliminate corporate entities
      altogether, putting into the hands of all
      citizens, shared ownership of all businesses.

     -Eliminate any taxes for individuals earning
      less than $50,000 per annum...and an equivalent
      arrangement for families (traditional and

     -Legalize all drugs. Provide quality
      recovery treatment centers to anyone in need.

     -Racially/ethnically integrate all urban
      neighborhoods, so that whites/non-whites,
      affluent/poor, gay/straight, etc., will not live
      so separately.

     -Bring back affirmative action to assure dignity
      for all minorities. Expand it as needed, and
      improve upon the previous model.

     -Provide quality schooling for all citizens, all
      the way through college, regardless of income,
      economic status, or any other superficial


I believe so strongly in my destiny, that I'll even stake my
life on this, to any homophobe who seeks my
revealing very personal information about myself, in this
document, in a plethora of newsgroups. Because I believe my
destiny is so inevitable, neither death nor injury will be
part of this picture. Also, by making myself so vulnerable, I
open my heart to, and put my complete trust in, our Gay
Family. Therefore, those who really care about my
well-being will offer protection, by migrating to S.F.,
befriending me, and providing round-the-clock bodyguards and
other forms of security (perhaps even helping me go
underground, after this intensely personal
revelation!). Here goes:

I currently reside in San Francisco's Castro district.  My
room's two windows look over Market Street, right above the
front gate.

I also hang out a lot across the bay, in Berkeley; mostly in
and around People's Park, and sometimes downtown Shattuck
Avenue. I frequently take coffee at Cafe Mediterraneum (on
Telegraph Avenue by People's Park), and visit the guys at the
"counterculture table" in front of Cody's Books (across the
street from "The Med" where, by the way, Allen Ginsberg once
hanged out while composing his infamous opus, "Howl").

In January, I started this geek/hacker group: BUUG (Berkeley
Unix User Group), which you may learn more about, at:

And I run a hacker-friendly board under pseudonym "Bernie
Marrs", at:

        FreeNetCubs BBS & Chat

Also, as I practice a self-made form of urban shamanism, this
baring of my soul is part of the final process in completing a
great aspiration: freedom for all my gay sisters and brothers,
not just here in the U.S., but in all other nations, too. So
let me reveal more about myself:

Diagnosed years ago with borderline schizophrenia (duh, like
you haven't figured this out yet) and manic/depression, I have
lived on a disability stipend since 1974...though with a few
brief hiatuses with "real jobs". But I have found that the
work scene is way too rigid and hyper for my way of being,
that it is dangerously unhealthy for me to participate. Part
of this is due to my firm belief that it is flatly
wrong to contribute to a culture that aggressively
abuses gay people, with their own tax money from their own
hard work! So I remain on disability, not just out of need,
but as a form of dissent. I keep busy by devoting most of my
time volunteering and befriending the homeless, and fighting
for gay rights via the Internet. And in so doing, I believe
I've contributed far more to society than most people ever do
in a lifetime. Ironically, I have been attacked by more
conservative queers than I could shake a stick at, because I
refuse to fit into their narrow, conformist viewpoints...which
are indistinguishable from heterocentric dogma in every way,
except in bed.

Born July 1, 1950, I am 50 years old, 5"7", a little
overweight but still in great shape, bald (I shave my head to
get rid of the remaining hair), Caucasian (half Italian, 1/4
Scot, 1/4 Alsace-Lorraine), hazel eyes, old scars from severe
acne that have since melded very well into my face. A front
tooth on my upper-right side is noticeably crooked. I have a
vertical appendectomy scar next to my navel (on the right
side), from an operation in 1966. I was born in Brooklyn, and
my birth name is "Eugene Frank Catalano", which I have legally
changed in 1993 to "Ezekiel Joseph Krahlin".

While I'm at it, I may as well request a search for some very
dear friends during my years in Columbia, Missouri, where I
attended University, as an anthropology and Spanish major,
with a minor in journalism and geology. (I still have an
outstanding college loan to pay off, so please don't
snitch on me!) Those were the years 1968-1972. I have lost
touch with them a long time ago, and wish to rekindle old
friendships with: Candy Rutledge, Susie Bryant, Terry (cute
guy), Deanna (handicapped with missing vertabrae), Lynne
Sadler, John Cook, Henry (optician's apprentice at the
time)...and an old flame (my first true love): Robert Matthew
Childers. I don't remember some of their full fact,
I know I've left a few more out because I don't remember their
names at all! They know me by my old name, of course: Gene

I also miss the man whom I believe to be my final true love
and soulmate: Randolph Louis Taylor. I last heard from him in
1991. He may have died, but I believe he actually went my visions tell me this. We met a few months
after his famous 40-day fast in 1984, on behalf of Vietnam
Veterans. Rather than exhaust myself going into further
details about this wonderful man, I'll just direct you to a
web page that I dedicated to him:

     The Somalian Affair

At that site are news articles and pictures about Randolph.

So now you know a lot more about me. Of course, I have
detailed plans for all the suggestions I put forth. Assuming I
gain supporters, these can all be worked on and hammered out
during interviews and brainstorming. I do not want to exhaust
myself (or my readers) by working out every detail right here
by my lonesome, hacking away on the keyboard into the wee
hours of the night. I trust there will arise many talented gay
men and women, gifted in the necessary fields to fulfill these
wonderful proposals: lawyers, doctors, builders, researchers,
musicians, writers, artists, and any others with
determination, inspiration, and devotion to a dream. (And hey,
if you're straight (or bi), and want to contribute to this
Great Cause, I'm sure I can fit you in.)

I also hold a special invite to any gay man or woman who has
suffered so-called "schizophrenia"...which I believe in many
(perhaps most) cases, is really a visionary gift, once you
learn how to channel it. I also advise our gay community to
quit bashing our own kind who are labelled as "mentally
disabled" like myself. Indeed, I think we should start
listening to them, for a change. I don't believe I am
the only one with these modern-day shamanistic gifts. I
believe that we gays are all gifted in this way, that
we are destined to be healers for this troubled world. Or
maybe not all, but just some. Only time will tell.

Then again, maybe I'm totally out of control in this
latest--and apparantly most fantastic--manic high...spilling
my guts across cyberspace, like Milky Way stars. But jeez! Can
you blame a girl for wanting to kick up her heels now and
then? It's been a long, rough haul up till now.


Addendum (some whimsical proposals, as if this entire document
weren't whimsical):


-Make the Backstreet Boys the official White House Musicians,
 seeing as I have developed a strong crush on that group. I
 am especially head over heels for Kevin, so I hope he leaves
 his latest girlfriend real soon. (Do ya hear me Kev: ditch the

-Replace the Gideon Bible in every motel and hotel bedstand,
 with my own "Faggot Bible". Said bible will contain all my
 writing and illustrations now present on my home page at

-Declare an annual "Hetero Shame Week", for as long as
 homophobia exists anywhere on this planet.

     HETERO SHAME WEEK:  whereby all public display of
     hetero affection be outlawed for that week. Anyone
     breaking that law would go to jail for 10 days, and
     be fined $500 (which shall be donated to one or
     another les/gay rights organizations). Any hetero
     who can't afford the steep fine, or time away from
     work...ought to heed well the advice to keep his or
     her public affections under strict control, for the
     duration. See how YOU (heteros) like it!

-Marry Randolph Louis Taylor, step down from my high throne,
 and offer him the whole world.

-Offer the position of President to a lesbian, as in:

-Make it very clear that Jesus is *not bisexual, even though
 this site claims he is:

        The Bastard Son of the Lord Home Page

  I can assure you: Jesus and his daddy are thoroughbreds:
  100%, true-blue gay. In fact, God had his son the same way
  gay couples do: artificial insemination. Like every good
  gay, the idea of sex with someone of the opposite gender is
  repulsive. So he had Gabriel do the "dirty work", by handing
  him a vial of his most sacred sperm, and instructing him on
  how to insert it into poor Mary...and to spare him the
  details when he returns.

-Help everyone else's good dreams come true, as mine are.