MY TV DINNER WITH HENRI
© xxxx by Ezekiel J. Krahlin
(Jehovah's Queer Witness)
Henri_Gordien: Hello, Zeke !
Quacktivist: Hello, Henri. How are you today?
Henri_Gordien: I'm better, thanks. I was quite tired yesterday. I had a 4 hours nap on top of my 8 hours night.
Henri_Gordien: How is life in California ? Are you in S.F. ?
Quacktivist: Personally, I'm doing great. Generally, things suck here in US for gays...our pathetic gov't continues to make homosexuality a pivotal issue. I will laugh heartinly, when institutions collapse from their useless homophobia. I don't think the US wil exist for much longer. It will divide, broken up by anti-gay dogma and heterosexist supremacy. 8-)
Henri_Gordien: Well, to me, it seems that more or less all governments are coming to a point where their lack of proficiency is getting so big that they simply more a nuisance, and helpless considering the problems that we face.
Henri_Gordien: In other terms, I don't expect much anything except from Up Above (if only).
Henri_Gordien: Well, you know, Revelation and all that, supposedly.
Quacktivist: Yes. I agree. And the big joke is that ALL or MOST present gov'ts are seriously hung up on the gay issue. Gonna be a rude awakening for many, when the Karmic Balance goes full throttle...and my visions say this is it, into the holidays. I sure hope so! Anywayz, my visions also show NEW ideas and institutions rising that will be extremely pro-gay, as well as compassionate...formed by a mix of people of various beliefs (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Atheist, Pagan, Shaman).
Quacktivist: Yes, well, Revelation has secret code in it, that even the Bible Code folks don't know. HInt: it's VERY gay supportive.
Henri_Gordien: Can you explain "into the holidays" ? Do you mean you see things as happening during the next holidays ?
Quacktivist: Revelation otherwise acts as if homosexuals/bi's/trannies don't even count or exist...or at worse, will be condemned to hell.
Quacktivist: Yes, 2007, from Halloween through New Years.
Henri_Gordien: Well, it's THEIR translation ... this bunch of fools.
Henri_Gordien: Oh, ok ... I so strongly hope you are right !
Henri_Gordien: I have been working like a dog with my buddy (my spiritual grand-mother and step-mother) and we feel dropped and abandoned in the middle of nowhere.
Quacktivist: Time will tell...it's already picking up in my personal life...impossible things have become possible for me...very nice things of course. I'm ahead of the times.
Quacktivist: Where is this "middle of nowhere"?
Henri_Gordien: Well, you proved me that you have spiritual ears and eyes in a very good condition. :-)
Henri_Gordien: Well, the doors of the World Above are mostly closed. It's a bit a case of "Father, father, why did you abandon me?" (not sure how it translates in English)
Quacktivist: It ain't just my eyes and ears, baby!
Quacktivist: Yes, that's the correct translation, dear. We are all the Story of Christ in our own unique ways. However, this wisdom was known long before Christ. In fact, it's basically Apollonia, and even shamanistic (the first kind of religious practice).
Henri_Gordien: You know, there is something that I did not tell you yet about this crazy story about Apollo and all that...
Quacktivist: Do tell
Henri_Gordien: Well, I told you that my spiritual mother is Lilith, right ?
Henri_Gordien: This is a sort of obvious thing to me... I feel her blood in my veins, in fact.
Henri_Gordien: So, the thing is, Lilith is also called Lilitu, and she also is Leto.
Henri_Gordien: (click ... puzzle falling into place ...)
Quacktivist: Mother...in what way. There are three levels to word "mother".
Henri_Gordien: She made me remember of scenes that happened Up Above.
Quacktivist: This Lilith came to you in spirit, or in the flesh, to show you these scenes?
Henri_Gordien: Like once, I was with her and my twin sister, we were babies, breast-feeding - each having a nipple
Henri_Gordien: In spirit
Henri_Gordien: The first time I met her, I barely knew her name - I went to see her in order to ask her for help
Henri_Gordien: Another very vivid memory was when my twin sister and I were given our bows and we were hunting for the first time - we were maybe 6.
Quacktivist: Okay. There are also various traditions of the Lilith Story: Kabalistic, Gnostic, Pagan, etc. What IOW kind of scenes and clothing to indicate a time period or style? Which tradition is your Lilith adventure?
Henri_Gordien: She welcomed me - she was like a queen on her throne, we did some sex magick (she initiated me - I had no experience of that)...
Henri_Gordien: Well, I'm a neo-shaman, basically, with a European culture.
Henri_Gordien: So for instance, when I was introduced to Lucifer by a fellow shaman, it took me quite some time to understand that he in fact was also Hades.
Henri_Gordien: I was spared any heavy religious teaching, only had a backrgound in christian orthodox church when I was a young adult.
Quacktivist: Sex magick? And you don't recall? Did they do a video or something? :o)
Henri_Gordien: Oh, yes, I do recall, why ? :D
Henri_Gordien: I had gone to see her with the help of a "certain Alpha" - I did not then know that he was my spiritual father. And... Gods know why - I had brought the two male lovers that I had then (for a short time).
Quacktivist: Because your telling of Lilith, etc. is from a very different origin of my telling. I think there are about 5 different lines of Lilith Legend...and do NOT have a common spiritual or cultural ancestor. In MY telling, it's an ADDITIONAL and equally legitmate telling...a totally NEW one.
Henri_Gordien: Lilih was seated on her throne, welcoming me inside her while I was seated on her thighs.
Henri_Gordien: Would you like a full account ? :-)
Henri_Gordien: Incidentally, this was the exact position of a sexual paredric union.
Henri_Gordien: Are you still there ?
Quacktivist: Three kinds of "mother": physical, spiritual, and ancestral...the latter implying "mother of us all"...the first two implying a distinctively individual claim. Meaning that a very limited number of people can claim direct birth from Mother Goddess. A full account would be nice...unless it's full of hetero (or even gay) porn.
Henri_Gordien: Well, I like spiritual porn ! :))
Henri_Gordien: I suppose you also do
Quacktivist: "Paredric"? I don't like any porn. Erotica okay, porn no. 'Cause porn promotes violence and humiliates the diignity of humans, esp. women...since most violent porn is hetero based.
Henri_Gordien: Sure... I used the wrong word. I meant it was both unrestrained and a total blessing, spiritually speaking.
Quacktivist: I understand. People nowadays use word "porn" sometimes, to just mean "erotic". But I believe it is vital to maintain a strict distinction.
Henri_Gordien: Sure... so let's call it divine erotica.
Quacktivist: I love to walk in the rain: abundantly showered in Zeus's sperm!
Henri_Gordien: Lol !
Quacktivist: I dream of ice cream in my jeans.
Henri_Gordien: Ok, so I'll continue if you like, I really don't mind - there is a gay side and a hetero side
Henri_Gordien: We had the "mignons" come near us, their dicks fully erect. I let Lilith choose the one who had a slightly bigger one.
Dad, thou art my Sundae Special!
Drive up in a truck 'cause it
rhymes with fuck; drop your change
belt and shove that pink, hard
treat where it tastes most sweet!
Then let me, Daddy, Daddy, let me
do you any way I please! Let me
tear off your shirt, and rest my
head on your manly chest as I
reach through your fly to find
something big to suck on! And let
me slide those spotless white
pants over your muscular legs,
which you raise in the air to help
me out! Please, Daddy, please let
me do even more!
Let me make your
big nest slippery with my saliva
(your buoyant eggs shall ride the
waves of ecstasy!), let me taste
the sweetness of your crown (and
the first dew that drops on my
lips!), let me pierce your tight
sphincter with the dart of my
slippery tongue, and let me raise
your legs so I can pierce even
deeper, my hot breath smothering
your fiery balls, your cock so
stiff it feels like it's going to
burst from your skin! What bursts
instead is a fountain of ice
for we are in Candyland!
Henri_Gordien: LOL... my tale will look very modest. :-)
Henri_Gordien: So we each sucked one of them.
Quacktivist: Just one of my numerous queer-erotic poems and tales. Not bad, huh?
Henri_Gordien: Yah, I liked it - your poetry is spontaneous, often refreshing.
Quacktivist: It's actually from my collection "Love Letters from Jesus to His Daddy".
Henri_Gordien: =)) good one !
Henri_Gordien: I mentally grasped that we were not to swallow. Once they had come in our mouths, Lilith and I kissed so as to make a mixture of their liquors - the sex magick act.
Quacktivist: They are actually letters to my Vietnam Veteran lover, Randolph, after he shot himself in front of the Vietnam Memorial in Washington D.C. That was 1985.
Henri_Gordien: Oh... I had intuited a tragic end on your blog, I did not know this was how his life ended up.
Henri_Gordien: Then I came into Lilith's cunt, still seated on her tighs. After that, she put a finger in my arse in order to tell me: "That was nice, cutie, you are welcome back any time !" This was my first encounter with her.
Quacktivist: He finally disappered in 1992. Had I the resources to track him down (like hiring a detective), I'd have done just that. His spirit comes to me constantly, and says he didn't die, that he's a powerful shaman...my guardian angel even, who manifested in this life to create a Great Odyssey just for me.
Henri_Gordien: Hum... so okay, the message is that his spirit survived, and now, he's watching after you, right ?
Quacktivist: NO...that he is still in the flesh...he said he'll come back to me in a lovely night vision 7 years ago. He was already a powerful shaman when we met. Thanks to his kindness to one village in Vietnam.
Henri_Gordien: Ok... I mentioned this as a possibility, I of course don't know.
Quacktivist: I mean: "he'll come back to GET me" ;-)
Henri_Gordien: Good !
Quacktivist: He went underground, politically...to foment a revolution...starting underground. A GAY revolution that will sweep the entire world into its embrace...Randolph (that guardian angel/Nam Vet) at the helm, and me, right there by his side.
Henri_Gordien: Coming back to Lilith, she told me about being her child (meaning, that my soul was conceived by her and Alpha) much much later...
Henri_Gordien: Well, yes, he really looks like he's Manitou, aka Zeus
Henri_Gordien: The one I wrote about in Revelation's commentary.
Henri_Gordien: I got lots of other clues I won't bother you with ... but it's a very tight tapestry now (after 2,500 A4 pages of dreams and visions in my diaries)
Henri_Gordien: Alpha is very much of the "peace and love" kind (well, one should not mess with him anyway). He's a Creator. And I have "things from him" in me.
Quacktivist: Randolph comes to me as Zeus. You may view an image i painted of him here: Zeus Electric.
Henri_Gordien: Beautiful work !
Henri_Gordien: This is a very young Zeus
Quacktivist: Thank you. He's my darling.
Quacktivist: Well, Zeus IS a shape shifter, and eternally young of course. You shouldn't be surprised!
Henri_Gordien: LOL... he likes appearing to me with black, curly hair and beard, but it's a face of somebody I knew that he uses in order to hide his true faces a bit to me.
Henri_Gordien: I put the picture of my twin sister in spirit when she was 13 - she is now 22.
Quacktivist: That may be my situation, too...Zeus may be appearing to me as Randolph, in a gesture of compassion.
Henri_Gordien: Once, I wanted to guess her real name, I wanted to name her Cynthia - yet another clue.
Henri_Gordien: Yes, he damn well could. And he enjoys both men and women.
Quacktivist: Not MY Zeus! But I come from a very DIFFERENT angle...a universe where there is NO heterosexuality to impose itself on us gays.
Henri_Gordien: BTDT, done the T-shirt :)
Henri_Gordien: Nothing is imposed in the World Above. In fact, things are just a matter of personal preference and there is NO judgement whatsoever.
Quacktivist: T-shirts are just a small part of my iconic gay logos...my designs will soon appear around the world, as stickers, decals, buttons, key chains, and even boxer briefs and concreted airport runways. I am the Heart of the Gay Revolution. And my role IS in Christian Prophecy...the Angel with a tongue of seven swords. That's in Revelation...don't remember it's verse #.
Henri_Gordien: We all capture the bits of the Events to come through what we are already conscious of.
Quacktivist: Good point. ..and it's time for the cross of gay suffering to be lifted. We have many times over, EARNED this fantasy I've had for a long time. Maybe it was a prophetic vision all along, which I interpreted as fantasy.
Henri_Gordien: Well, the part of the story I got so far is this Apollo - Christ story. There is a strong element in it about freedom of love and gayness.
Henri_Gordien: Other things I did not tell you about Lilith yet... some time later, I made her pregnant. It was a moment of absolute beauty.
Henri_Gordien: Then I switched gender astrally. Then I was given the child to bear. I spent 9 months with the usual effects - only astrally, I was given lots of details...
Henri_Gordien: So it's like I'm ready for the show - IF and WHEN the new stage of things show up.
Quacktivist: The trick about Bible Code, is that there is a DEEPER hidden code, than what has been shared in this recent spate of Bible Code Theory. The "trick" is that the homosexual spirit has been hidden in this primal code...so that most Bible Code Theorists think heteros are the only worthy beings...and gays are irrelevant. They push the Mary of Magdalene fucking Jesus thing, in order to heterosexualize Christianity. They are that scared of gays. This is a surrpetitious war against non-heteros...been going on for almost 2 millenia.
Henri_Gordien: Well, they would us to believe this war has been constant, it has not been, there were homosexual unions in the church until 2 centuries ago in some countries.
Henri_Gordien: Lilith once showed me the soul of this child to be born. She is an incredibly lovely, witty little minx with brown hair, like her mum.
Quacktivist: Things always snap back to heterocenteredness. Heteros STOLE the marrige vows from gays, then persecuted them into relative oblivion. If society stopped pressuring people to act hetero, via media shows and ads...watch how quickly the human race will homosexualize. Heterosexism is the main KEY to controlling the minds of the masses. THAT is part of the hidden Bible Code...NOT permitted for heteros to see, unless they have the privilege..and that's quite rare.
Henri_Gordien: And later on, I was told exactly how it had been said it would happen, that I should name her Astrid.
Henri_Gordien: As a matter of fact, my guide Dorian (a spiritual uncle to me) is presently around - he seems to want me to keep giving you details of the story.
Quacktivist: OKay, that's personal, family stuff...whether involving divine conjugation, or something more mundane. But tell me how this will impact the world in the long run...what your role will be.
Henri_Gordien: Sure... well, having a child with such a conception story is part of the "shock and awe", spiritually speaking.
Henri_Gordien: I'm listening :-)
Quacktivist: You're very generalized. What specifically will you be involved in, shaping our New World?
Henri_Gordien: Well, assuming the story is true ...
Quacktivist: That's okay. Obviously, we're sharing parallel realities that may NEVER intersect, but nonetheless are equally valid. My universe is totally gay: no Lilith for one. Yours includes Lilith, and is valid...as mine also is.
Henri_Gordien: I gave the name Xiousha to this feminine form of me. I wanted a Russian name - my twin mate is Russian, her name is Masha... and Alpha shocked me when he made me realize that it's nearly Youshua except the Y was exchanged for a X (like chromosoms)
Henri_Gordien: So the thing woud be, I'd manifest something - BE, not so much acting (except "deliver the baby and shut up".... lol)
Henri_Gordien: I'm supposed to replace my dad Alpha some day.
Quacktivist: Okay. But will this have any sort of impact on the world? Isn't Alpha a deity? Another variation on the male aspect of the creator?
Henri_Gordien: First they had asked me to become an emissary, I did some missions in spirit... then this ruler thing... we'll see.
Henri_Gordien: Well, the thing is, to me, Revelation is also the moment where the Ancient Gods come back to our place and make themselves visible.
Henri_Gordien: In more than one sense, you could call them highly ethical E.T. beings.
Henri_Gordien: The "elected ones" are supposed to be given a one-way ticket to the promised land, well, Paradise, you know.
Henri_Gordien: With eternal bodies and all. That's supposedly the rapture part of the story.
Quacktivist: If that be true, then there must be many others on earth, who are equally worthy of your destiny. Are we going to have equally-legitimate Male and Female gods possessing a lot of human souls?
Henri_Gordien: Well, I sort of told this to them - it seems it did not work.
Quacktivist: You ask them the same question? "It seems it did not work"...meaning what, exactly?8-X
Henri_Gordien: LOL... look
Henri_Gordien: I never thought of myself as a specific person, yet, well, once I recovered all my brain, I understood all these family stories (gradually)
Henri_Gordien: It brought me up to the point where I have reasons to believe it's actually true and I might be the present avatar of Apollo.
Henri_Gordien: I know how dangerous it actually is to have such claims, and in fact it's not a claim, just a sincere and temporary conclusion.
Henri_Gordien: About the "possessing our souls" bit... well, it looks like they actually the Creators of many things, including our very souls.
Quacktivist: I don't see any ONE person gaining that claim...or "conclusion". I see anywhere from 10,000 to 10,000,000 being handed the Caduceus, and representing Apollo in a myriad of aspects.
Henri_Gordien: Well, one thing is sure, while we are incarnated here, we can't express all that there is in us.
Quacktivist: Same for Zeus's or Liltih's child.
Henri_Gordien: Anyway - if true, it's not an EASY thing to me to bear.
Quacktivist: I don't think it's true in the way you stated. But I am not here to judge.
Henri_Gordien: It did not happen like they told me "Ok, we're this and you are Apollo"... it came very gradually through lots and lots of clues, a true puzzle. I double-checked lots of things thanks to other seers and fellow shamans...
Quacktivist: As for bearing this...if true, this also implies that it's NATURAL, and therefore the role will come to you with ease.
Henri_Gordien: Well, yes, in that ...
Henri_Gordien: At least I know we are talking about inner abilities, NOT things that I could develop during my present life which was totally AWAY from all this.
Quacktivist: You are aware there are others who are equally convinced of a destiny just like yours...and their proof and experience is also well documented, like you claim yours is.
Henri_Gordien: I'd say this group of beings Up Above consider me as their "little prince"
Quacktivist: Again, others claim same. With equal legitimacy.
Henri_Gordien: I know... well, the truth has to be that ALL of them (except POSSIBLY) one are either liars (including to themselves) or people with some mental health issue.
Henri_Gordien: I heard about a surprisingly little number of persons believing they have been Youshua bar Joseph.
Quacktivist: It is a teaching in the Kabala (and other mystical schools) that every human being has the ability (and the right) to experience even the highest levels, even being God, him/herself. And the angels shall regard you as God himself, or his own son, or Lilith's.
Quacktivist: That is how I see what you are experiencing.
Henri_Gordien: I can only say that I bear a story that has an interesting version of events... :-)
Quacktivist: Send it to me via e-mail, I'll enjoy the read. I need to get back to my other work.
Henri_Gordien: I was a blank page when it all started.
Quacktivist: So was the universe. So was each of us.
Henri_Gordien: LOL.... I won't be able to sum up things in 2,500 pages easily, plus my diary of visions is in French, unfortunately.
Henri_Gordien: If you kept our e-mails and this IM, you'll have the bulk of it, the rest are details.
Quacktivist: If you would enjoy posting to me further...e-mail me. Because I have to get off chat. I AM recording all our e-mails and chat. I consider these valuable exchanges.
Henri_Gordien: And I damn well know it's a totally crazy story.
Henri_Gordien: Ok.... I'll go to bed now. Have a nice day, Zeke !
Henri_Gordien: I mean, I don't find it easy when a guide is pressing me to tell this story like I have been doing with you.
Quacktivist: Well, I'm still not convinced, regardless. Chat with you again soon, Henri! 3:-O
Henri_Gordien: It does not matter if you are convinced, I was asked to tell it to you - and a last thing
Quacktivist: I am currently away from the computer.
Henri_Gordien: it will only matter if things happen, otherwise .... it's nothing !
Henri_Gordien: Take care
November 6, 2007: My Conclusion (Part 1 of 2)
Henri, after re-reading our IM conversation several times, I'd like to present my conclusion as to what's really happened to you. This is not a mental
or other disability problem, though you would likely be regarded as such by your average therapist (as would I with my own incredible visions). While I
believe you are incorrect about your findings, I know they are
nonetheless true from your perspective, and these spirits are neither
demons, nor deluding you...EXCEPT it might serve a higher purpose that
includes the evolution of your soul. There should be no shame, guilt,
fears or humiliation on your part...for you definitely are being
It's a shamanic initiation into a higher form of existence: becoming an
angel as it were...only without dying. This initiation, this "rite
of passage" involves creating a false premise about your destiny; an
illusion. But not out of mean-spirited deception or miscommunication.
In fact, you are receiving great rewards for your long-suffering and
dedication to spiritual ideals.
As I said in our previous chat: Kabalistic thought states that anyone can
attain even the loftiest levels of spiritual being...including that of the
Creator himself. IF the devotee has struggled long enough, and used his arts
wisely, and with compassion. The angels themselves will regard you in the
exact same ways they do God (or Jesus, etc.)! But they do know very
well you are Henri, not a God; IOW, they are not deluded, either.
Angels can create--and alter--reality, to suit their needs...as easily as you
and I change hats. Do not for a moment think you could see through their
divine schemes, if they choose not to reveal them. And your belief (in
yourself as a god) is one such example: they want you to believe you
are Apollo's incarnation...it is not your fault! You are being
honored by their regards toward you, as they do Apollo Himself. You
will even get to play Apollo for a time, as part of your reward, once
the initiation is completed. And many other adventures that will stem
out of this honor...which lasts for eternity.
In these times, such gifted people are destined to play a leading
role in building the foundations of heaven here on earth. As
co-Creator with the angels themselves. What kind of leadership? Depends
on each person's talents. Some will head ecology, some education, some law
enforcement, some religious matters, some medicine, some music or other art,
and yet others civil rights (like myself, via the gay perspective; others via
women's rights, black rights, the disabled, and so on). And these are but a
tiny sampling of all the myriad possibilities out there.
Like a Shaman that enters trance mode, and believes he is whatever spirit or
deity that temporarily possesses him, in order to convey a message or lesson
to the tribe. It is the most direct, intimate form of channeling, where you
get to experience a deity in the first person. Now the tribe knows, the
shaman even knows (before and after such trances), that he is not
really such-and-such a spirit, but that it came through him as
the perfect vessel of astral communique.
There is no way I could ever persuade you to my line of thinking...as your
angels have totally seduced you into this unique mindset (with only the best
of intentions, mind you. They do know what they're doing.) This kind of
illusion is not one that harbors the least animosity, avarice, or
malicious intent. It's like setting things up for a surprise party. It is even
possible that your guardians instructed you to trust me with this highly
personal insight...that I may present to you my case, which I believe to be
the final truth. So I want to assure you I do not in any way regard you
as insane, or even self-deluded. You are in no danger in any way, shape
or form. And I will not share any of your personal revelations with
anyone...this stays between us.
I believe every human being deserves to reach the ultimate heights,
spiritually...simply by virtue of being created as a sentient being in the
first place. Just because, say, Jesus was created first (perhaps; I'm
just using this as an example...you can replace him with "Lucifer", "Lilith",
or some other)...should not mean he deserves more rewards than you. Not that
you don't have to struggle through all the trials that life demands, to gain
the wisdom required to bring you to such heights. We all must walk a difficult
path, though as varied as each individual. In the Bhavagad Gita, Krishna
elucidated many pearls of wisdom to his best friend Prince Arjuna, including
this: "There are as many paths to Godhead as there are souls."
When you think about it, "yourself" is the greatest being in existence. Such
is our Creator's gift...that each of us is every bit as vital to the
universe's very existence, and every bit as loved as his First Created. So why
would you really want to be God, or His Consort, or any one among the
Pantheon of Cosmic Creators? When you are actually more than all of
them put together! So, once experiencing Divine Supremacy, the newly-initiated
shaman descends back into his ego, his personality, his self...and feels
greatly enriched for the adventure, and as "himself" once more, becomes a
storyteller, healer, and guide par excellence of great mysteries.
There may indeed be parallel worlds to satisfy each person's fantasy...if
either fantasy would clash with the other, on the same planet. You could be
Apollo on one of these parallel planets, and I could be Apollo on another.
There could even be millions of Apollos on millions of planets. We'd have
passports to visit these parallel realities via wormhole portals: it would
become as easy and common as riding a jet to another country. Though without
terrorist security checks and other gross inconviences, of course. (In fact,
the technology used for wormhole security is of a psychic nature, thus
inexpensive and 100% foolproof, while also respecting every passenger's
In sum: I am neither expecting nor asking you to believe my angle in this
matter. Only presenting it to you as another possibility to keep in mind.
November 8, 2007: My Conclusion (Part 2 of 2)
Henri, thanks for the e-mails; I'll study them tonight. So I'm posting you this 2nd part--coming from further introspection, without first reading your comments to Part 1. Sorry, but this is too important to delay:
One very IMPORTANT piece of wisdom I have gained from my guardians: It is always wisest to assume you are NOT any deity, even if it turns out you are. It's called "playing it safe"...meaning that you want to avoid like the devil himself, any idea that seduces you into believing you are a god. For most likely you are not, nor ever will be. Much better and safer to see yourself as a CHANNEL for this or that spirit. This then is a test of your humility (among other things), for even if you ARE a god reincarnate (and had forgotten this in the transition back into flesh), you PROVE your humble graces by deferring on the side of caution: that you are simply (but blessedly) a gifted mortal.
It is in your POWER of choice, to choose to disbelieve any astral messages that you are actually, a bona fide deity. You can't tell me that is impossible for you, as in fact you DO state the possibility that you are incorrect...albeit the LEAST likely of all conclusions in your own mind. Nonetheless, it is there, though tiny like a mustard seed.
Please regard my use of MK-ULTRA to mean whatever related group is doing this. I can't read all your latest e-mails right away, but I did take a quick glance in one, where you say MK-ULTRA no longer exists. I know that...it was just a convenient handle for those in power using psychic tools to manipulate. Don't get hung up on titles here! I'm sure there's more than one such diabolical agency, as I'm also sure there's more than one angelic.
I believe that MK-ULTRA has implanted a false memory chip into your psyche...as perhaps an experiment that may not be sinister. (Or possibly some anti-MKU agency is fighting to reclaim your soul, using me as a channel for this benevolent purpose.) Whoever they really are, perhaps they want to see if you have the WILL to overcome such potent mind control, by re-birthing your mortal self, who is Henri. The real Henri is but a remnant, a tiny voice deep down inside, trying to find a way to emerge again...as manifest in your faith to open up to me, even though you know I might reject you. You say your spirit guides instruct you to feel absolutely free to tell all. Those spirit guides are your fractured true self...a split-up personality as an adaptive measure to very cruel torment.
It makes sense your guides tell you to trust me: I am a healer, growing rapidly in power. The demand your precarious situation puts on me is to heal remotely...a psychic cousin to remove viewing. I know exactly how to use my words and meditations to prompt a successful return to your whole being. In fact, it is done, Henri, it is done. You need not worry about your success in conquering such an incredibly powerful challenge. But I assure you, your prophecy of Apollo reincarnate (through you) to eventually become Zeus's own replacement...WILL NOT HAPPEN, nor will it EVER.
You even admitted that if it doesn't happen, so it doesn't. Are you psychologically prepared to keep from being traumatized, when this vision which has you so completely seduced, does NOT manifest? I hope so. But if not, you'll still be fine in the long run. Once you have rediscovered your true, individual self, you will have so MANY spiritual treasures, you just couldn't believe. And you WILL nonetheless wind up playing one of the STARRING roles as numbering among the handful of people who are destined to SAVE and REBIRTH the planet.
You are NOT Apollo, though he IS manifesting through you...as he does through me...though for a different purpose. But believe me, Henri, I have suffered the same delusions of grandeur, myself. I came to realize this is a shaman's rite of passage...and to succeed in passing through this, one needs to reclaim the ego, one's individuality. This TEMPTATION to believe you are a god, even God Himself, is the challenge to your ego, to accept the delusion, or to conquer it with the Sword of True Discernment. EVERY shaman is so tempted...well, actually, only every extremely GIFTED shaman...for it is a test reserved only for the most gifted.
YOU can start any time, Henri, by saying to yourself "I am NOT Apollo. I am Henri. I am not ANY sort of deity, I am Henri." Envision yourself several times a day, as receiving bounteous blessings from the spirit world...which includes this ruse to topple your ego from its rightful seat in your consciousness. You NEVER need to fight this, as if wrestling the devil. For this is neither a curse nor demonic possession. It is a blessing in disguise, that will gain you tremendous strength, wisdom and a bounteous life.
If you do not follow up on my suggestions on healing yourself, that's okay. Your recovery and ultimate fulfillment are on automatic anyway. I am only here to assist your next step in your soul's evolution, and cheer you on. Consider me your astral midwife, so to speak. You will (continue to) have a bumpier ride for a while, if you refuse to abide my wisdom. Nothing more than that. Success is yours either way, on ALL levels. We have MET because you are a GREAT person...though I see your greatness differently than you do, for now. No big deal!