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Total time: 4.8 minutes. The recording is a *.wav file compressed
in mp3 format, so it's only 860 kb in size.

Click here to play!

Performed at Magnet Gay Men's Health Clinic on 11/17/04.

Taken from a pocket tape recorder that I placed on a front-seat table. So the sound quality is less than ideal. And, you miss out on all my visual cues and gestures. But it's still a fun skit just to hear.

If you'd like to follow along by reading my skit, scroll down.


You've heard of the good book? Well, this is the better book: "The Faggot Bible!" (Hold up my homemade book.) Yay! Yippee!

(Grab microphone and speak directly into it:)

Republicans...the other white meat.

(Step away from microphone.)

Don't worry peoples, I'm a really easy act to follow.

For tonight's sermon:

Taelons = Queer Stereotype: (A parable for the 21st century)

December 5, 2000

Dear Editor,

I abhor the show, "Earth: Final Conflict", because it gets away with some very ignorant stereotyping of gay people, as manifest in the Taelon race. I know Gene Roddenberry dreamed of including gay folks as regular characters in his Star Trek series...though was censored by the Hollywood brownshirts.

When I first watched EFC ("Earth: Final Conflict"), I was shocked to see this Taelon character: very swishy, wrist-flicking, lisping, sissified, elitist, weird-looking, asexual geek. I had to conclude that these Taelons were created from the mind of a well-meaning, but ignorant, heterosexual. Sure, Roddenberry finally got his wish: but at what cost to real gay people still burdened with the yoke of tyranny by the same country that produces tripe like EFC?

Here we have an alien faggot behaving like every good faggot should (in the eyes of dogmatic Christians that is), by not having any sex. And, by defining them as asexual, the show could go on without the censors' interference, which would have happened if they were portrayed as outright homosexual. Of course, everyone knows the Taelons are silly queers...and in that way, and only that way, would the Amerikan publik accept such regular gay characters.

If I were a well-meaning but ignorant hetero sci-fi writer, I guess I could come up with a race of queers that--by virtue of being asexual (as the Good Lord wants them to be)--would evolve into these freaky types with enormous brains that resulted from all this unused sperm backing up the spine. Now, they would be put to use serving (hetero) mankind.

These Taelon faggots are catering to every need of all the earthling, redblooded hetero heroes...not a gay person among them. Again, the good Christian role of every queer is to not only be asexual, but a servant, a slave dedicated to the happiness of heterosexual relationships. Just like in that Australian film, "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert"; where some drag queens are stuck in a redneck town, enhancing the romantic lives of the hetero residents. Damned if they didn't assist the happiness of any gay person living there (which residents didn't even seem to exist).

These Taelons are in no way handsome, or robust heroes as are the star characters, who are obviously Amerikan breeders. Also, "Taelon" suggests "talon", and you just know how faggots love to pull out their claws and scratch your eyes out, honey!

Now, why stop with Taelons? Why not "Babloons": a dark-skinned race that trades in watermelon seeds, and whose lips are so big, they can actually vibrate into action, their marvelous rocket engines?

Or yellow-skinned, slant-eyed "Bayjings", whose massive overbite can open fuel pods with a single chomp?

Or "Gimplets" whose twisty vestigial legs can serve as hooks for grasping and riding on asteroids?

But my favorite idea is this: a sci-fi show featuring "Heteroids": giant, semi-intelligent hemorrhoids that are breeding themselves into oblivion by their own animal lust. They, too, would be heroes (in a way) an example of the horrors of overpopulation and dogma of heterocentric supremacy.

(Hold up the following picture to audience:)

Thank you.

(Take a bow and leave stage.)

-- finis