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(excerpt 01)

Total time: 6 minutes. The recording is a *.wav file compressed in mp3 format, so it's only 1.1 mb in size.

Click here to play!

Performed at the 3-Dollar Bill Cafe on 2/11/05.

Taken from a pocket tape recorder that I placed on a front-seat table. So the sound quality is less than ideal. And, you miss out on all my visual cues and gestures. But it's still a fun skit just to hear.

If you'd like to follow along by viewing my skit, scroll down and read along.


I sing for Thou, and only Thou, my Dearest Little Chipmunk, my
Light of Salvation,  my Knight in Shining Armor, my Fountain of
Joy, my Father!  Builder of Dreams, is there not a single dream
of mine that you won't fulfill?  Architect of The Universe that I
am, I nevertheless beg of you not to overestimate my skills, for
I am still an apprentice!  Thou dost honor me greatly beyond any
dream I ever had, I know full well, but I beseech you to take a
day off and get a rest, Good Man!  And besides, I have been left
alone to guard your house while you've been slaving away all day
at the Factory!  And a lonely heart is not what you want for
me...I've only been trying to get that through your lovely,
preoccupied head! Now, Randolph, you do understand my situation,
I am very certain! The Hour is Now, and the Time is Short, and I
need to be in your arms before the curtain falls on this First
Act!  There is infinite strength, confidence, and joy from two
Comrades in love, fighting Armageddon at e ach other's side!

Your heel has been healed with a more durable steel, Achilles!
Hasten to my side on winged feet, Mercury!  O, Belerephon, the
First Horse of the Apocalypse, let me mount you so we can lead
the Armies to the Battlefield!  Rear your head with pride, sexy
steed, as we forge through the dark flanks of Satan's cohorts,
counting a victory for each head we anoint!  (And all shall be
anointed!) Our Love is the Victory!  Celebrate now, for the
weapons we bare are Arms of Joy, Arms of Devotion, Arms of Humor,
Arms of Flowers, Arms of Smiles, and Armfuls and Armfuls of
Boys...and they are all invincible!  And best of all, I get to
lick the Good Humor Man's humongous popsicle, as long as my
little heart so desires!  And He always keeps a full supply in
the freezer, so I can thaw them out with my tongue, and roll the
vanilla ice cream in my mouth before gulping it down!

Dad, Thou art my Sundae Special!  Drive up in a truck 'cause it
rhymes with fuck, drop your change belt and shove that pink, hard
treat where it tastes most sweet!  Then let me, Daddy, Daddy, let
me do you any way I please!  The only popsicle for which I yearn
is yours, Daddy...all the others smell so bad, I don't even want
to go near them!  Let me tear off your shirt, and rest my head on
your manly chest as I reach through your fly to find something
big to suck on! And let me slide those spotless white pants over
your muscular legs, which you raise in the air to help me out!

Please, Daddy, please let me do even more!  Let me make your Big
Nest slippery with my saliva (your buoyant eggs shall ride the
waves of ecstasy!), let me taste the sweetness of your crown (and
the first dew that drops on my lips!), let me pierce your tight
sphincter with the dart of my slippery tongue, and let me raise
your legs so that I can pierce even deeper, my hot breath
smothering your fiery balls, your cock so stiff it feels like
it's going to burst from your skin! What bursts instead is a
fountain of ice cream...for we are in Candyland!

And Daddy, don't stop cumming, ever!  I am your only child, your
Boy, who shall always thirst for your manhood without satiation!
Squirt yourself all over me so your hands will glide over my
face, my shoulders, my chest, my back, my belly, my waist, my
hips, my ass! Do this for me, and my thighs will quiver to be
open to--yet always resist--the plunge of your finger reaching
for the button that ejaculates me into whatever opening you put
before me!  I will always come every moment we touch, so you'll
have to spend several delightful more minutes to sweeten me for
the True Coupling!  The moment I start rubbing my nest into
yours, I'll explode all over you, and you'll have to tie me down
in order to get me through the gate. But then I'll really buck,
and you'll have to grab onto my horn to keep me down!

And please, Daddy, wrap your strong arms and legs around me to
keep me down, deep, deep inside you; for when I finally emerge,
you will jerk in spasms of cum as I yank it out and plunge it in
many times! I will do it slow, and do it fast; I will do it
smooth, and do it hard; but I will always do it good, and do it
so sweet, your tongue will hang from your mouth, yearning to wrap
it around my fat joystick, even though you can't because St.
Peter is busy shoving you through the Pearly Gates.  ("Entering
Heaven is like passing through the Eye of the Needle.")

Suddenly, you relax, dropping your heavily-muscled thighs onto my
back; and I can finally slide the last three inches into you with
ease.  Safely locked in Heaven's Mansion, we moan our Eternal
Comradeship to each other, as my River of Love flows smoothly
through the gates, into the Land of Milk and Honey!