Okay, so here's my New Year's present to a most incredible, outrageously handsome, super-witty, courageous, INTELLIGENT and all-around GREAT guy, Larkin Kelsey! All wrapped up in a Scooby-Doo gift bag. If you haven't been following my recent tales, you won't grasp the relevance of Scooby-Doo in our friendship. But you don't NEED to remain clueless: just click here to become enlightened.

Walgreen's (on 18th & Castro) limited selection of colorful folders left me NO choice, but the puppy-love theme, as all OTHER options simply did not meet my standards (BLATANT male-female displays, or ultra-feminine/pre-pubesc ent pastel pap.) Which standards being the very BEST for my buddy Larkin, within my threadbare budget. Caveat: I am NOT at all displeased with the sole option offered. As if my angels' guiding hand left no room for confusion or hesitation. They sure as heck know what they're doing! Especially when it comes to liberating my devastated soul after so many TERRIBLE years of vilification, social isolation and violence! I can't IMAGINE anyone but Larkin (except for My Randolph) being SUCH a tremendous balm for my aching soul...his very visage makes my heart leap for joy like a newborn lamb in the dewy grass of spring!

I couldn't find a New Year's Day card ANYWHERE in the city, even if my life depended on it! What's happened to some holidays I guess, is they just aren't profitable enough, in these days of HyperKapitalism. Walgreens seems to be the worst offender. No sooner was Halloween over, than they over-stuffed the shelves with Xmas goodies! Where the frig did Thanksgiving go? I did manage to discover a FEW turkey cards amidst all the Yuletide debauchery. But New Year's? Fuggedaboudit! It took Walgreens less than 9 hours after Xmas day officially ended, for them to spew Valentine's Day cards and paraphernalia all over the place! Not ONE single freakin' New Year's Day card in sight! I visited several OTHER card shops to discover NONE of them had ANYthing for New Year's, not even stickers! Well, that's not TOTALLY true, they did sell a small assortment of party favors, hats, noisemakers and butterfly tongues (is that what they call those paper-and-wire thingies that curl/uncurl when you blow into them? It's been HELLA long since I've spent New Year's Eve with anyone but me, myself, and ay-yi-yi. AAMOF, ya gotta go all the way back to my childhood!)

So this afternoon I perused what cards were available, that I could adapt via cunning handcraft. Well, the moment I laid pupils on THIS lovely card with a cellophane window framing a campout scene, I just HAD to have it!

(Discovered of all places, in that DOLLAR store on 16th & Mission, abutting the ever-ubiquitous Walgreens.) The front originally said: "To a special grandchild on Father's Day." I used my printer, then cut out and pasted my rectangular adaptations. Neat trick, eh? Unfortunately, I didn't notice that the New Year's rectangle was a tad long, until too late! So with a ballpoint pen, I scratched in the vertical bar to that capital D.

I trust your eyes aren't so bad you can't read what it NOW says, but just in case: "To a special boyfriend on New Year's Day". (Though if your eyes are THAT bad, then I doubt you can even read what I just typed for your edification!)

Open the card, to read:

Larkin, may your day be filled with beautiful skies and tonight,
May you sleep under a sparkly blanket of stars.
Happy New Year's Day!

Replace "Larkin" w/"Grandson" and "New Year's" w/"Father's" to get the original drift.

Scooby-Doo does NOT belong in the card; I added that sticker myself. (Plus my beaming-heart logo by the canoe.)

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: My wish for Larkin to sleep "under a sparkly blanket of stars" is NOT my wish that he become homeless (Goddess forbid)...but that my fantasy to camp out with a beloved buddy finally come true! I mean: I really need a break from this urban insanity, and camping under a pup tent with Larkin would be just what the doctor ordered!

The background, BTW, is part of my angel comforter that I bought in November from Thrift Town for $29:

To my great satisfaction, I can now tell people "I sleep with the angels," and it won't be a lie! And ALSO thanks to that comforter, I DO sleep under the stars each and every night!

Now, the BACK of the card includes an image I printed out and PASTED, to add my personal Zeke-touch. Has to do with my wish to turn the Hole in the Wall Saloon into Larkin's own venue, where he is both bouncer and host. Why? Well, I don't care to repeat myself. Just click here, and you'll understand. (In case you can't read the signboard on the saloon clipart, it says "Larkin's Lagoon". And that's a cowboy holding a cue stick. Tried to find a human figure that resembles Larkin, but no go, other than he's tall and skinny. Click on the image below, for a clearer pic.)

It's also copasetically sweet that the card's own franchise is entitled "Windows of Paradise," because that is EXACTLY how Larkin affects me: he's my heaven's door...and I sure am knockin'!

I just want him to be assured (for I KNOW he'll be reading this soon enough), that I would be MOST delighted to have him as a good friend in my life, without EVER expecting sex to enter the picture. I am very much the ROMANTIC type, who seeks camaraderie and jovial conversation over sexual intimacy any time of the day. I'd find it an absolute THRILL to camp out with you, Larkin, under the stars, sharing the same sleeping blanket, with our clothes on, embraced in brotherly affection! The concept of your devoted friendship is THAT fulfilling in my mind's eye! You NEVER need worry about sexual urges getting in the way of a most WONDERFUL friendship. And I think that, in these last two years, I've PROVEN that to the utmost, considering all the horrid intrigue that has forced its way into my humble life. Of course, if sex WERE to enter the picture at some later date, I'd consider that frosting on the, er, COCK...oops, I mean "cake," naughty me!

I want to remark that it is MOST appropriate I compose this piece on the birthday of my Great Beloved, Randolph Louis Taylor. Whose spirit I strongly believe brought Larkin into my life, in order to give my lonely heart Great Solace. Below is the final snapshot for this article, displaying the folder's cover. I've secured it with a camouflage leash hooked to a tiger-stripe collar...both purchased at that dollar store same day I discovered the card.