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Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this
writing free of charge (including translation into any
language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom,
and that it remain intact and complete, including title and 
credit to the original author.

Ezekiel J. Krahlin

(A True Tale From The Castro. Eat your heart out, Armistead!)

©1998 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin

Nov. 7, 1998

Dearest Terry,

I got these cookies for cheap at Canned Foods, and I hope they
put a little brightness in your morning. I am awfully sorry
for our falling out, but I cannot have you over any more. I do
still love you, and always will...and I certainly do not hate
you. I will remain your friend, though it must be on the
streets, and not in my room.

It was quite obvious your were high on crack or speed, or
something else equally toxic. And your raising your voice at
me, and making unkind demands, made me realize the drug was
taking the only thing I could do was tell you to
leave. It was wrong for you to insist I don't need to sleep
when I do, and that you should be able to crash at my place
whenever you so please. This is not the same Terry I grew to
know and love in the previous weeks.

When not "under the influence", you are a remarkably kind,
affectionate, and humorous man...really, a cut above most
other men, definitely with lots of class. This is the Terry I
have fallen in love with. Your kind embraces and sweet words
have filled my heart to overflowing. So I am honored to know
the real Terry. Unfortunately, your attitude changed and
deteriorated the last three days we've been together...and
that last day was the worst. I do not deserve such nasty
treatment. Probably, you still believe I am the one who is
wrong...but I assure you, Terry, you were losing control over
the situation, and abusing our friendship. To not have you
leave at that point, would be a violation of my self
respect...and would open the door to further abuse on your
part. Your admission of your wrong is the first step to
healing yourself.

I will light a candle each night for you, and pray that you
somehow cease putting toxic substances into your system. For
without that drug, you are 100% wonderful...and the sky's the
limit for a go-getter and remarkable man such as yourself. But
"under the influence", you are a mess, and make me feel so
ashamed for your behavior. Please, for your sake and mine (and
most importantly, for your daughters!), do not let some stupid
drug tear you down to the gutter. You really have so much
going for you, and it is not too late to shake off the devil's

If it's any consolation, please know that I also have
forbidden Steve from ever visiting me again. That's because
the same morning I asked you to leave, Steve was found by the
building manager, sleeping on the back porch. Steve said he
had my permission, so the manager phoned me to ask what's
going on. He certainly did NOT have my permission (and I did
NOT know he was sleeping there; I thought he had left the
building after visiting me)...and this violation of my trust,
which also threatens my living situation, has put Steve in the
doghouse, too.

I am now under watch by the manager and his friends...and
having you or Steve over any more, is likely to lead to my
eviction. If I get kicked out of this building, I will NOT
remain in San Francisco. In fact, I won't even remain in
California. If I must become homeless, there is another state
and city I will go to...and I will not tell anyone in San
Francisco, where that will be. So please stay away from my
residence... and I will see you in and around Castro Street,
and do what I can for you, as a friend and lover. Unless, of
course, this does not please you.