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Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this
writing free of charge (including translation into any
language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom,
and that it remain intact and complete, including title and 
credit to the original author.

Ezekiel J. Krahlin

Why It's So Very Important To Learn To Read

(A True Tale From The Castro. Eat your heart out, Armistead!)

© 2003 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin

Jebediah and Zachary were hangin' out by the ol' Penjulep 
pool hall one chill foggy Frisco mornin', when Zack started

"Jeb, them darkie folks acrost The Bay say Hoboville warn't
always the name fer this here Hobo town of ours." Before he
continued, Zak spat a wad of chawin' tobaccee into a hefty,
open, black-leather bound book with a crimson ribbon for a
marker that touched to the very ground, and rubbed for a
moment against some hot, stinky wet Rottweiler feces. "They
say this here parts wunst were called 'The Catastrapho''
boy wuz it ever! Soddymites all over the place, fornicating,
violating tourist's chilluns and sometimes even their dawgs!
Twere a cryin' shame it was, surely."

Jeb stopped leanin' on the side of the saloon, to stand his
full 6-foot-7-inch height. He yanked the long straw of hay
from his mouth. "You sware to that on the Wholy Buybull, Zack?"
He said, and pointed to the book in Zachary's hand.

"Yes Sir, Jebediah," boasted Zack, "I do believe I just marked
the partikeelar secshun smack dab in the lower right page." He
paused, to heckle Jeb with silence.

"Read it Zack!" Jeb finally ordered. "You knows ah cayn't
read. Tell me whut thu Good Book sez!"

"Okay, Jeb now simmer down y'all jest simmer down. Let me
clear my throat."

Zachary hocked up a nasty lookin' dark yellow gob of phlegm,
aimed once again at the Good Book...then read:
(The Prophet Hoosier from The Book of Heehaw 5:20-22):

Any man who declares divine marriage to another man, should
immediately be put to death by command of our Chief
Demon Overlord.

A woman however, may freely declare marriage with another
woman...under condition they willfully join in wedded bliss with
an Unmarried Son of an Overlord, or with a Widowed Overlord
Himself. First Choice is always The Father's.

But should one or other of The Wymmin rebel, they should BOTH be
tied in Nekked Shame to a post in the center of town, where
whomever is known to have cast the first sin in The Moremen Clan,
shall be offered the Sacred Privilege of stoning to death, The
Rebellious Female and Her Favored Scapegoat.

Having read this passage, Zack lowers the tome in silence...
and Jebediah, too, remains quiet, chewing on the straw. After
long moments of hushes, Jeb remarks:

"Why bruthuh Zackideedoodah. Thank the Good Overlord are
GranPappies Cum here in the fust place, be it they be homeless
with not a sent between thum! They knew they wuz on a misshun
to deeklare rite-chuss shame on them Soddymites, and drive
them out; peesibble like, or war like."

Zack nodded as he chawed: "Yep, brothuh Jebbideedoodah. We
done made for ourselves and our chilluns, granchilluns, and
evun great-great-granchilluns, Ju-hoe-va's Land out of 
Serpent's Soil".

After further moments in silence (a harmonica played in the
distance, some hillbilly tune), they decided it was time for
another High-neekins, and stepped back into the dark cave that
was the Penjulep Honkey-Tonk Pool Hall and Dancing Saloon.


Zeke "Getmeouttahere!" Krahlin (longterm res-
ident of Hoboville, formerly The Catassraffle)

April 15, 2003