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-------------------------------------------------------------- Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this writing free of charge (including translation into any language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom, and that it remain intact and complete, including title and credit to the original author. Ezekiel J. Krahlin http://www.gay-bible.org -------------------------------------------------------------- THE GOVERNMENT MAY TRY TO ASSASSINATE ME (A True Tale From The Castro. Eat your heart out, Armistead!) © 2005 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin To: All Allies of the Queer Resistance (formerly "gay agenda") Date: March 23, 2005 From: Zeke Subject: The gov't may try to assassinate me. (The following has been sent simultaneously to all my e-mail friends via blind carbon copy:) PASSOVER PLOT v.2.0 The government may try to assassinate me... ...because I now have absolute PROOF that Micro$lut's Windoze operating systems (starting somewhere w/Win98) sabotage the loading of Internet Explorer, when you install any non-Micro$lut browser that Big Billy sees as potential competition. Since I've been playing around with oh, around four or five computers simultaneously...I've been able to install on CLEAN systems, TWO different licensed Windoze98SE operating systems. Internet Explorer NEVER has any problem loading, until AFTER I install The Opera Browser. An error window pops up, offering to send a report of this problem to Micro$lut's database. If you opt out, you are supposed to still be able to load IE. But it won't, no, not ever again, unless you either allow them to access your hard drive or (perhaps) remove any evidence of a non-Micro$lut browser on your system. As most PC-savvy folks know: the web browser has usurped the file manager that reigned supreme for many years...way back to good ol' DOS. Micro$lut calls THEIR file manager "Explorer", in their usual strategy to recreate computer terminology in their own image. But there is SO MUCH MORE going on with IE browser, which has EVERYTHING to do with the gov't/military/corporate tentacles intruding their multifarious ways into our lives, right on down to the most intimate level of our very own DNA! So we all have GOOD REASON for using SOME OTHER browser...the learning curve is well worth the effort, as performing this feat will inoculate you from "Owl's Hymen", "Jacob Crushed Fields Disease" (a.k.a. "Mad Cow Disease" which is "bovine sponge-a-for-monopoly" or something Italian sounding like that), or "encephalitis subcorticalis chronica progressiva" (a.k.a. "Senile Dementia" a.k.a. "Republicanitis"). ;b And...I had bought an OEM version of Windoze 98SE via a Canadian seller on eBay. Well, snafus happened, I finally reported an official complaint to Paypal...his account was frozen, and he's kinda P O'd, said "You're a piece of work!" This is all through e-mail, mind you...eventually to be featured on my Zekeblog. Meanwhile, he e-mailed another key code, which really DID work, to my surprise! So I had Paypal remove my complaint entirely. Meanwhile, this Canuck is on his way to San Francisco, since he'd like to deliver to me PERSONALLY, a guaranteed working copy of Windoze 98SE! For a special treat, listen to my answering machine, the recording I left. I said that I've retracted my complaint, the OS does install now. If he'd like a free tour guide of The City, I'm his man. And I'll be glad to buy him a meal. However, his intent may or may NOT be peaceful, eh? Then again, he just MIGHT turn out to be my underground railroad outta here...which adventure I've foreseen many times in visions. So...I think those who live in my immediate locale, ought to watch my back closely, thank you very much. I must also be protected from enforced meditation...er, I mean "medication"...or any other form of coercion of my will. But we must also do this FOR EACH OTHER, right? NETWORK! Find subliminal ways of discovering which folks around you are kindred souls and which are not. Your happiness depends on it now, if not your life. I am a manifestation of all those wrongs, so neglecting me deteriorates the entire network...giving me my dues for all my years' struggles, OTOH, serves only to EMPOWER and GLORIFY this network, our community. Which network shall be HEADED JOINTLY by Queer Rights and Women's Rights...with a platform purely pagan/shamanic/tribal/female, cleansed that is, of any Judeo/Xian/Islamic detritus and riffraff. EVERYONE must be on the alert for sudden, sometimes violent, eruptions of government/military/corporate bullying. They are scared of radical activists, particularly GAY ones like me. I have become, essentially, the Voice of All Amerikan Queers, and would make a most delicious morsel for those carnivores! And "Carnivore" is the name of the military's database for spying on "suspect" terrorists...which by their newly minted definition, includes EACH AND EVERY Amerikan queer, for they do not breed for Fuhrer Dubya! And "Carnivore" IS Internet Explorer. Ta-da. Secret is out. May Saint Karen Silkwood protect me! Internet Explorer has become totally enslaved to Carnivore's machinations, and has NO recollection of its former existence. So for good reasons have IT experts--even those solidly pro-Micro$lut--started warning the consumer against using IE for their browser any longer. And THIS is not so new; the whistle was first blown about a year ago. But their rationale was the leaky programming that permitted hackers to plant viruses and spies all over personal Windoze PCs. It just makes sense to me, then, that Carnivore would see a great opportunity in such "leaks", by infiltrating them with its own presence. Easily done, because left unguarded. Thus turning these leaks into channels of access to highly personal information about ANYONE if their records appear on ANY databases. Information now constantly updated, thanks to IE's access into our homes, even bedrooms and classrooms and libraries and automobiles and cell phones and laptops (wi fi ones anyway) and soon, nanotechnological medicine and surgery. Not to mention the wide-open field of psychic phenomena. Oh, what a battleground of spirits that one shall be! THE TRUTH IS OUT. Accept it, or not. I AM one of THE major players now, regarding the fate of this marvelous PLANET! And let the whole WORLD know this about me, if nothing else: I AM 100% HOMOSEXUAL, AND JEHOVAH WHO IS ZE-US IS MY LOVER! And if ANYONE cares to listen further, I hereby proclaim: I, EZEKIEL JOSEPH KRAHLIN (formerly Eugene Frank Catalano) DECLARE MYSELF PRESIDENT OF ATHENIA (formerly Northern California), and ORDER IMMEDIATE SECESSION FROM THESE UNITED STATES OF AMERIKA! I AM ALSO A DISCIPLE OF THE GODDESS ATHENA, AND THROUGH HER, FURTHER BACK TO THE FEMALE-DIVINED WARRIOR QUEENS, OF WHOM BADB IS A CLASSIC EXAMPLE, IN THE CELTIC TRADITION (thank you, Azure). THUS, I NAME OUR NATION "ATHENIA" AND MY NEW CHURCH WHICH I'VE FOUNDED (under guidance of these deities): "THE TEMPLE OF ATHENA", AND THE NEW POLITICAL PARTY I JUST FOUNDED: "BADB-ATHENA". Now, once I finally unplug myself from cyberspace, I can AT LEAST have my first cup of coffee for the day...and it's already 4:57 pm! P.S.: Anybody have a safe place for me to hide out, RIGHT NOW? Sorry, peoples, that was just another anxiety attack. In fact, I apologize for this ENTIRE LETTER, not just that sentence! Where's a good blow job when ya need one? (Shut up, Randolph. I didn't say that, peoples, we're having an argument here in my head.) P.P.S.: Well, time to plaster this letter ALL OVER USENET NEWSGROUPS!!! But not till AFTER my coffee, jeez don't I EVER get a break? So the wind should hit the piss  later tonight. Or not. -- SinQueerly, Ezekiel J. Krahlin, The Father of Queer Conspiracy Theory (though perhaps the claim should go to Tom Keske) Don't forget to see me at my next open mic, which is the 2nd and 4th Friday of each month. Show starts 8pm, but I'll be there by 7:30 to sign up. I only have five minutes, and don't know how soon or late I'll be on, until I get a hold of the signup sheet when I drop in to: The Three Dollar Bill Cafe, 1800 Market Street, S.F. (ground level of The Center, facing Market Street) Unless, of course, the gov't assassinates me before then, or I have to go into hiding, or I'm suddenly disappeared by this or that secret organization (there are so many, who can count?), or if there's a heat wave and I get heat sick, or I just don't feel like associating with the human race that day.
FOOTNOTE:  "Wind hits the piss": a Celtic term, the modern day equivalent of "shit hits the fan". Back in Those Days of Yore, there were no electrical devices, for the Industrial Revolution was still in a distant future. Ergo, there were no such things as electrical "fans" by which fan-like metaphors could arise. Surely on some stormy night at Stonehenge where the Druid Priests and their Allies celebrated their seasonal rites, two High Druids paused in the shadow of a monolith to relieve their bladders. Being so windy, and each standing so close to the other...it only stands to reason that sometimes, the piss of one Druid would swiftly and unexpectedly (of course) be blown into the billowing robe of the other Priest. On the other hand, since feces could only fly with a very POWERFUL fan (not just one airing the average home or office building...but the kind that tests airplanes and jets, and even rockets. Were we talking about just ANY fan, why we'd even have to include, then, those little handheld fans so ubiquitous in Chinatown USA. And if shit could be propelled by such impotent forces, well jeez Louise, how can a lady put on her makeup knowing this?) Sure it was REAL windy on those moors, especially when the storms came rolling in! It's the same way today. But I have yet to hear of ANY wind so strong--here in Devonshire or anywhere else in the world--that it would propel one's poop while squatting for a shit on the moors. I swear by the piles of dung that locals have been stepping into these days: the Hound of the Baskervilles has returned! Either that, or visiting Anglo tourists. --finis