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"Taelon Response To Zebsurfer"

Dearetht Clueleth Breeder Earthling:

I know you ekthpect me to lithp, tho I'm giving you thome thatithfacthon right now. However, no more "lithping" for the rest of my essay, as my strong alien accent will only get in the way of important communique.

Every single point you make--however poorly--was already deconstructed in comrade Zeke's essay, "Taelons = Queer Stereotype", which anticipated such unworthy comments like yours. Your kind must suffer the sad fate that is the lot of heterosexuals, for it is not the Creator's intent that you be designed with too much intelligence!

Forget for a moment, all the Rodenberry crap plugging up your mind like a Klingon bowel impaction (which, incidentally, can go on for centuries; much like the ignorant hubris of your own pseudo-gay friendly hetero earthlings, who insist on being the last word on homosexuality even in relation to queers). Ever hear the saying: "One picture is worth a thousand words?" Well, put all those Final Conflict words out of your mind, if you want to get the picture! So just forget Earth: Final Conflict, Gene Rodenberry, and Star Trek! Forget they ever existed at all. Clear your mind like Exlax to anus...then look at us anew, with the unbiased eye of a Vulcan executioner (please scroll down):

Behind the Columbine massacre, 9/11, global warming, neo-nazi groups, male impotence and nuclear family breakdown:
outraged, pissy alien queers.

Now c'mon, give us a break! How on earth wouldn't "faggot" be the immediate thing to come to mind, when seeing us for the first time? Most humans do, in fact, react this way as their first impression. (And please notice we are all clothed in shades of purple or pink: clearly an indication of being "that way"!) Do you think we were born yesterday? No matter how much you attempt to window-dress our species, slice dice or ice us, we still remain, as ever:

Stereotypical faggots from the 21st century; out of the twisted minds of possibly well-meaning
(but still dumb) Hollywood breeder elite script writers and producers.

Even you as much as said we are women stuck in male bodies! How's that for an obvious stereotype? And that's just one among numerous examples so expertly presented in comrade Zeke's brilliant essay. (Brilliant for an earthly sentient being, that is.)

Yes, we are portrayed as asexual and androgynous; which cleverly passes the TV industry's anti-homosexual censors. But we assure you, Zebsurfer, that between tapings we just can't get enough of each other's frail little jail bait bodies as much as possible. Why, we're about as horny as those randy little Tribbles! (Minus the fertility factor of course.)

While we are portrayed as heroes--like our earthling counterparts--not one of us is the least bit attractive. Unlike the human stars who, we might add, are all portrayed as heterosexuals! Like all previous Rodenberry series, not so much as even one clearly homosexual character has appeared in any of their myriad shows!

We are the closest things to homosexuals ever portrayed in Star-Trek-like series. the (obviously heterosexual and--if gay--hetero ass licking) writers may have been well-meaning, but we are portrayed as sterotypical faggots, because your sub-intelligent culture would howl in outrage should we ever come out of our closet on the boob tube!

Zebsurfer, your hetero slip is showing, when you make a statement that homosexuals can only be defined by having sex with another hominid of the same gender. A fine example of breeder hubris! As if heterosexuals were the only gender to dignify their defining queers as incapable and even unworthy of having affectionate and spiritual feelings for those they truly love. Just like those unworthy breeders (as you most certainly are, poor ape) to define who and what queers are; never mind asking sexual minorities how they see themselves in the scheme of things!

You said something very revealing: "Gene Roddenberry derived much of the show's essence in depicting how humanity would deal with an advanced alien culture." And it is all too clear to us Taelons (and enlightened human queers), that both your race and our "advanced culture" are devoid of any homosexual presence or even acknowledgment. What happened to them? Were they all exterminated, or perhaps isolated on some hideously remote and dark planet, out of view of any godly heterosexual (or asexual)?

And where you say: "Before you can make a judgement, a viewpoint, a statement about anything, you must first understand it." I can only shake my bulbous head in pity, for it is all too obvious that you remain ignorantly heterocentric to the core. For you willfully remain pathetically ignorant about the true spirit of homosexuality, which is: brotherly (or sisterly) love. And to understand that, you must first understand queers. You, dim-witted antrhopoid, do not.

But we queers of the universe always have the final laugh (if not the final conflict [*snicker*] ), because we have a secret we shall now reveal to you:

No sentient being can travel beyond the immediate vicinity of its own home planet,
unless and until the entire global population is totally homosexualized!

For the details on this cosmic law, see Zeke's essay entitled "NeoChristianity"...and perhaps "The First Christ", where Kurt Vonnegut's Tralfamadorians reveal themselves to be 100% homosexual.

In conclusion, we can only wag our imaginary penises (which have been unceremoniously castrated by Rodenberry's disciples) and remark:

"Why wear the pink triangle, when you look as faggoty as us?"

Ambassador Da'an [ Taelon Synod, North America ]


One of our human admirers, John Havrilchak, e-mailed these flattering illustrations by his own hand:

Thanks, John! Next time you're abducted, we'll treat you to one
week's free holiday on the next artificial planet we build.

We are inspired to replace your Mt. Rushmore with this more down-to-earth rendering.